Dating Your Spouse

Fridays are date nights for my husband and I, since tomorrow is Friday I thought I’d share my story of how we began our weekly date nights.  For the person not wanting to read a lot, you can scroll down to the very bottom for tips on starting and implementing a date night with your spouse. 

My husband and I have been married for 11 years, about 2 years ago a friend had shared with me that her and her husband were starting a weekly date night and I thought to myself that sounds great, but how do I work that in my budget, how do I plan that with 3 little boys at home, it seemed impossible to do every week.  My husband and I went out 1 time a month or every other month at the time we started talking about having a date night every week.  Once we discussed it and realized how needed it was we made it happen.  We realized that with work, home life and all other extra activities in our life we needed to carve out that space to have uninterrupted time to talk and connect with each other.  Many times there were things that we “meant” to discuss or share with each other that just didn’t happen with busy schedules and everything else life throws at you.

Thankfully both our parents live near us, so they happily agreed to help babysit, which made getting  the kids taken care of the easy part.  We still didn’t see how we could work it in our budget every week when we first began.  Date night can be expensive going to dinner and a movie or doing some other activity together adds up quick, so we started where we were at.  We planned date nights in our home, we would drop the kids off to one of our parents, and go back home and prepare dinner together and have a nice peaceful dinner without anyone asking for more milk or having to get up and get a towel for that same milk all over the floor I just mopped that morning.  These are priceless times to share together, with the busyness of everyday life, it’s nice to sit across from each other and look into each other’s eyes and just breathe and enjoy the moment, enjoy a “hot” meal (mom’s you know how that is), to enjoy each other’s presence without being climbed on by your little ones (those are great moments too I know).

It is amazing that since committing to a weekly date night, what at one time seemed impossible now we cherish and look forward to each week and it has become very much part of who we are and what we do.  Also worth mentioning, since we made up our mind about the importance of date night, we have it in our budget, at different times we have been blessed by others or through work have won prizes and give-a-ways with gift cards and different date night activities.  It just goes to show when you purpose and prioritize something, it happens, make room for date night and it will become possible.

So I encourage all you couples out there to commit to do a date night and start where you’re at.  If you don’t ever date, then start with once a month or every other week.  If you already date once in a while step it up and commit to a weekly date night.  And don’t look for excuses of why it can’t happen, look for ways to make it happen.  Think outside the box and don’t try to do it alone.  A date night can be done on any size of budget.  If you have kids and can’t afford to pay for a babysitter, ask family and friends to help.  You can trade babysitting services, or trade goods and services for babysitting time.  If it’s currently not in your budget to spend a lot on restaurants and activities.  Look for buy one get one free coupons, cook in your home, prepare a picnic dinner or lunch that you can have at a local park.  If you have school aged children and can meet for lunch that takes care of the babysitting situation if you meet for lunch.  With the day and age we live in with the internet, Google, Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, there are plenty of ways to find witty ideas to help with date night.  So get brainstorming and planning your next date night.

Also want to encourage you couples who don’t have kids don’t exclude yourself from date night, it’s more than just getting away from the kids, it’s about investing in your relationship, keeping the flame alive, getting out of the daily life routine and truly embracing each other’s presence distraction free. 

After reading this blog post don’t just talk about date night, schedule them, make it happen, your marriage relationship is worth it, it’s just like a garden if you don’t tend to your garden weeds grow in, insects try to come and pick at your fruit.  So carve out time for each other and do some tending.  Recognize the needs you each have for conversation, praise from each other, quality time making memories together that will shape your relationship for your lifetime.  Life goes by too fast, before you know it, it will be 2015, don’t let another week or month go by till you get around to each other.

I’d love to hear from you readers about your date nights, what works for you, and if you don’t date and still need some help, comment or e-mail and I and fellow readers I’m sure will help with ideas to spur you on in dating your spouse.

Text or e-mail your spouse right now, get the conversation started “Let’s go on a date this week!” 

Tips on Starting and Implementing Date Nights:

• Get Started – schedule it, put it on the calendar!
• Put it in your budget!  When you receive gift cards or other gift certificate items, use them for date night.
• Think outside the box it doesn’t always have to be dinner and a movie.

• Cook a special meal at home, or have a picnic in the living room or backyard.
• Attend free local community events together (example many communities host nights of music in the park or movies in the park or dance classes and other recreational programs)
• Exercise together; go on a walk, shoot some hoops at the park, etc.
• Explore your local city together, many times we get in the rut of shopping at the same mall, going to the same nearby restaurant, get out and explore what is in your local city.  Research what your town has to offer.
• Do hobbies together, if you don’t have one, try something new.
• Have a time of goal setting together, dreaming together, or planning the next family vacation or family event.
• Get other’s involved; you don’t have to think of everything on your own.
• Start a date night babysitting swap with other couples, friends and family members, you watch their kids for their date night and then they watch your kids for your date night, a win for both couples.
• Ask your single friends and family members who don’t have kids if they’d like to come to your house and practice with your kids ;-).
• Ask the older generation people in your life who maybe there grandkids live across the country or maybe they don’t have grandkids yet or just have one to help, this could also be a blessing to someone who doesn’t have family near and sometimes feels lonely.
• Be Flexible!  You might have to change up the day some weeks; you might need to meet for lunch due to another event.   The intention is to connect with your spouse not always talking about kids or work (the business of life and family) but dreaming and planning your future together and keeping your relationship current.  Each of you changes over the years, your likes, dislikes, hobbies.  Take the time to invest and study each other, have fun dating after marriage!

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