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November 19, 2014

Couples Surviving the Holiday Season



With Thanksgiving around the corner and Christmas quickly following I want to encourage you to stay connected with your spouse this upcoming Holiday season.  I know it is easy to get caught up with all the shopping and get-togethers that life becomes even busier than it already is in the next few months.  It is easy to skip a date night because of school Christmas plays, family and office get togethers and even turning date night into Christmas shopping for the kids, which is fine as long as you are spending quality time together truly filling each others love tank.  

The holidays can also be very stressful on couples, stressful because of family, stressful because of finances, and hurried schedules.  Take time to breathe together, take time to enjoy each other.  Recognize if your spouse is on edge maybe due to finances or their workload and find ways you can help relieve that stress not add to that stress.  Remind each other that some holidays are tougher to get through but that you will get through it together.  Parties come and go, shopping comes and goes but the two of you and the love you share are what really matters.

Our homes are supposed to be sanctuaries for us to regroup and recharge.  Too many times I am guilty myself, during the holidays I get into “director” mode.  We are going here this night, we have this going on this night.  We need to go here and do this.  Can you hang the lights, complete this checklist before family arrives, drop this off for me, pick this up for me that we forget to really embrace our spouse and remember the days before kids when we just strolled downtown hand in hand with no agenda.  When we sat in front of the fireplace and watched White Christmas with no to do list in mind.

I know there are family portraits to be taken, Christmas cards to be mailed, cookies to be baked, with these things be intentional to have a good time together while completing these holiday tasks.  Sometimes the stress and pressure we feel is built up in our minds by only ourselves.  If we would take a step back and think about all the things we have to be grateful for and step out of perfectionist mode than that stress is gone instantly.  

Be sure to spend some quality time with your spouse even if it’s twenty minutes sitting in the car together before you go into that family get together or office party.  Remember good holiday memories from the past and do not be so hurried to get to the next place you have to go.  Surprise your spouse grab their hand before you go into the get together give them a big kiss and tell them how much you love them and how grateful you are for them.

I know sometimes attending family functions can bring strife into your relationship, purpose now, that you are going to enjoy this holiday season, and not fight or get caught up in family feuds.  Go to family gatherings with a united front.  Discuss with your spouse before going how you want to stay in unity.  Most families have that one person who complains or brings a negative attitude to family get-togethers, purpose to walk away, sit at the kids table if you have to and enjoy your family.  Life is too short to get caught up in frivolous family feuds.  Remember who you came to that party with and who you are going home with.  

With all the other events we place on our calendars, schedule time for the two of you.  Even if it’s not going out but spending an evening at home together watching your favorite Christmas movie.  November is pretty much over, don’t let December come and go and then realize you two have been running to and fro without spending some quality time together.  

Also keep in mind the holidays can bring up negative memories for either you or your spouse, be intentional to overcome those before you find yourself in that place.  I know friends and family who have lost loved ones and the holidays stir up those memories of grief and loss.  If you know your spouse experiences this, try to create happy holiday memories that can replace negative ones.  Find ways to remember your lost loved ones in a happy way.  If you are the one who experiences this, be open with your spouse and let them know ahead of time that you need their help and support to get through this season.  

Even more than normal this holiday season send text messages to each other telling each other that you love each other, need each other and are grateful for each other.  Throughout the day or on a lunch break call for no reason at all, not to remind them about what needs to be done or the next event you are attending but just to say I love you.  Set a reminder on your phone to call your spouse and just see how there day is going. 

Purpose and plan to stay connected to your spouse this holiday season and not allow all the festivities and to do lists divide you.  Remember when it’s all said and done, people come and visit, shopping sales come and go but your spouse is with you for the long run.  Cherish each other, prioritize each other and support each other.

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