With Thanksgiving around the
corner and Christmas quickly following I want to encourage you to stay
connected with your spouse this upcoming Holiday season. I know it is easy to get caught up with all
the shopping and get-togethers that life becomes even busier than it already is
in the next few months. It is easy to
skip a date night because of school Christmas plays, family and office get
togethers and even turning date night into Christmas shopping for the kids, which
is fine as long as you are spending quality time together truly filling each others love tank.
The holidays can also be very
stressful on couples, stressful because of family, stressful because of
finances, and hurried schedules. Take
time to breathe together, take time to enjoy each other. Recognize if your spouse is on edge maybe due
to finances or their workload and find ways you can help relieve that stress
not add to that stress. Remind each
other that some holidays are tougher to get through but that you will get
through it together. Parties come and
go, shopping comes and goes but the two of you and the love you share are what
really matters.
Our homes are supposed to be
sanctuaries for us to regroup and recharge.
Too many times I am guilty myself, during the holidays I get into
“director” mode. We are going here this
night, we have this going on this night.
We need to go here and do this.
Can you hang the lights, complete this checklist before family arrives,
drop this off for me, pick this up for me that we forget to really embrace our
spouse and remember the days before kids when we just strolled downtown hand in
hand with no agenda. When we sat in
front of the fireplace and watched White Christmas with no to do list in mind.
I know there are family portraits
to be taken, Christmas cards to be mailed, cookies to be baked, with these
things be intentional to have a good time together while completing these
holiday tasks. Sometimes the stress and
pressure we feel is built up in our minds by only ourselves. If we would take a step back and think about
all the things we have to be grateful for and step out of perfectionist mode
than that stress is gone instantly.
Be sure to spend some quality
time with your spouse even if it’s twenty minutes sitting in the car together
before you go into that family get together or office party. Remember good holiday memories from the past
and do not be so hurried to get to the next place you have to go. Surprise your spouse grab their hand before
you go into the get together give them a big kiss and tell them how much you
love them and how grateful you are for them.
I know sometimes attending family
functions can bring strife into your relationship, purpose now, that you are
going to enjoy this holiday season, and not fight or get caught up in family
feuds. Go to family gatherings with a
united front. Discuss with your spouse
before going how you want to stay in unity.
Most families have that one person who complains or brings a negative
attitude to family get-togethers, purpose to walk away, sit at the kids table
if you have to and enjoy your family.
Life is too short to get caught up in frivolous family feuds. Remember who you came to that party with and
who you are going home with.
With all the other events we
place on our calendars, schedule time for the two of you. Even if it’s not going out but spending an
evening at home together watching your favorite Christmas movie. November is pretty much over, don’t let
December come and go and then realize you two have been running to and fro
without spending some quality time together.
Also keep in mind the holidays
can bring up negative memories for either you or your spouse, be intentional to
overcome those before you find yourself in that place. I know friends and family who have lost loved
ones and the holidays stir up those memories of grief and loss. If you know your spouse experiences this, try
to create happy holiday memories that can replace negative ones. Find ways to remember your lost loved ones in
a happy way. If you are the one who
experiences this, be open with your spouse and let them know ahead of time that
you need their help and support to get through this season.
Even more than normal this
holiday season send text messages to each other telling each other that you
love each other, need each other and are grateful for each other. Throughout the day or on a lunch break call
for no reason at all, not to remind them about what needs to be done or the
next event you are attending but just to say I love you. Set a reminder on your phone to call your
spouse and just see how there day is going.
Purpose and plan to stay
connected to your spouse this holiday season and not allow all the festivities
and to do lists divide you. Remember
when it’s all said and done, people come and visit, shopping sales come and go
but your spouse is with you for the long run.
Cherish each other, prioritize each other and support each other.
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