Preparing Your Children

I find that my kids like to know what is planned for the day and week.  Even at a young age, ages 3, 5 and 7 like their mother who likes to know what is happening.  They do a lot better when they know the plan. 

Have you ever had a child have a meltdown when leaving from visiting grandma’s or a friend’s house, or leaving a birthday party?

I have had had to carry out a crying child who did not want to leave, it is not fun at all.  I have found that when I give them some structured detail they do much better, meltdowns are not as frequent for example.  We are going to cousin’s birthday party, I will tell my children.  “We will play and visit, after they open presents and we have cake and ice cream, we are going to leave.”  Then I will go over to them and tell them finish playing because we are leaving in twenty minutes.  I make the rounds of helping clean up, saying good byes.  I find my children will leave in a happier mood with this preparation. 

Even with nap time, if I tell my youngest son, after lunch, you can play for 20 minutes, and then we are going to lay down for a nap, and then go pick up brothers from school.  He lies down much easier, knowing the plan for the afternoon.  I often use the timer on my microwave and he knows when the timer goes off, it is nap time.  Another example is when we visit a park, I will give them some warning before I say it is time to go, I will say we are leaving in 20 minutes, then I will say okay you have 10 more minutes what would you like to do before we leave.

Another tip, with preparing kids.  When attending someone else’s birthday party, I always remind my boys, this is “Sammy’s” birthday party, this is his special day, we are going to take him a present, sing him happy birthday and he is going to open the presents.  They are not your presents to open; your birthday is in “July” remember how much fun you had at your birthday?  He probably won’t open up all the toys unless his mom says it is okay, so you be a helper for your friend and be happy for his special day. 

If you have a change in your normal routine, for example, extra nights out, at church events, sporting events, family outings.  Prepare your children early in the week.  Remind them this is the week, we are going to brother’s soccer game on Wednesday, remind them, this is the week daddy is out of town for work on Thursday and Friday.  Whatever the change up is, they will flow easier with the schedule change if they know about it.

On the other hand, if the change up is something exciting for them, like they are spending the night down a friend’s house, or you’re going to John’s Incredible Pizza on Friday.  These types of fun things I don’t always tell them with much advance, or else everyday you’ll hear “is today the day I go to Sammy’s house?”  “Is today the day we are going to pizza?”  So things like this I try and wait just a couple days before.  Also because what if the sleep over is canceled or moved to another date, then you have to handle that disappointment which can be difficult for a four year old to understand why.

I find most children like routine and structure.  I find that when that routine or structure is changed or they were not prepared for that change, it can be more difficult.  I think as parents we should remember children have not fully developed communication skills and expressing themselves when they have a disappointment, or change up.

With that being said, when they do have a meltdown, I find if I remain calm, remind them I love them, and their behavior is inappropriate things regroup much easier.  When I slip into feeling embarrassed, or lose my temper, the meltdown seems to last longer. 

As a parent, we have all been there, with a child having a bad day, bad moment, there is no need to feel embarrassed.  Your child is not the only one who has cried or thrown a fit, because they had to leave, leave the park, leave a friends, etc. 

I hope these tips help you prepare your children in the future and help you experience fewer meltdowns. 

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