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November 12, 2014

When Your Spouse Travels for Work



My husband is currently traveling for work, he has traveled before in other occupations as well.  Although I had become accustomed to him not traveling with his last employer and having a schedule where we was home every day between 4:30 and 5 PM, which was really nice.  


When he started his current employment I knew travel was going to be involved, and he started right off traveling about once a month he would be gone anywhere from three nights to a week.  At first it was so new I think both he and I were excited about his complete career change that it didn’t really phase me.  After the first few times, I found it was hard to fall asleep at night and other than being able to feed the kids pancakes and cereal for dinner, I did not really look forward to him traveling.  He has not traveled the last few months but was away this past week.



Even though it is not always fun being apart and it takes some getting used to.  I want to talk about the benefits to having a spouse that travels for work.  First it makes you appreciate them in a greater way.  I realize how familiar I can be with my husband, taking out the trash, helping tuck the kids in at night.  I know sometimes you can feel like your husband does not help you as much as you would like, but I realize just their presence in the home, makes a difference with how the kids behave, and the flow of family activities, getting ready for dinner, cleaning up dinner, story time, and just being together.  When they are gone, you realize how much they really do help.  


Have you heard that statement absence makes the heart grow fonder?  Unfortunately it’s true, sometimes we take for granted our spouse.  When he travels I realize how grateful I am to have him.  It makes me think of the service men and women who travel and are deployed for months and years at a time away from their families.  It makes me think of the single parents who parent alone all the time.  It makes me grateful for the jokes he tells, that when he is home sometimes I can think they are annoying, but when he is gone, I miss the conversation, the you tube video’s he has me watch, and the adult conversation he provides.  


It is nice to be able to prepare quick and easy meals for the kids while my husband travels, but then it is also nice when my husband returns, I look forward to cooking and eating real food, instead of kid food.  I know it is fun for him to eat out while he is traveling, but I also know he appreciates coming home to home cooked meals, I will prepare his favorite dishes in the days of his return.


I am grateful that he is working and has a job, I am not whining about his travel, and I am sure it is good for him to get a break from the office and his crazy wife and kids at times.  


Here are some things that help the time apart go faster.  I went to lunch with a friend one day, visited another friend on another day.  My mom and sister so graciously took the boys and I out for dinner on our normal “date night”, which I so very much appreciated.  Because its things, like remembering tonight is our date night and he is a way that makes you miss them more.  My sister in-law so kindly offered to watch the boys for a few hours on a Saturday so I could run some errands without visiting each establishments potty and chasing a little one as you mom’s know how that goes.  I was extremely grateful that my boys had fun, and a break in their routine and I also was able to accomplish some things and visit, again things that help the time go by.


Another benefit to having your spouse travel for work, is you have extra time to read, do those DIY projects, blog, or whatever hobby or extracurricular activity you may have.  I know sometimes I want to read, write, or do something and my husband wants my attention, or wants me to watch a show with him without my laptop in front of me.  When your spouse is away on travel you can take advantage of the time to read that book you have not made time for.


Thank God for all the technology we have these days, when my husband travels the boys and I are able to Skype, text, and call which is a huge benefit.  If you have not tried Skype before I highly recommend it.  Another thing I am extremely grateful for, is my husband will text at night and see if baths are done and he can talk to the boys before bed.  Many times with the time difference depending on where he is traveling, when he is ready for bed, we can be just walking in the door from church, or an activity.  I am grateful that he will find out when is a good time that the boys are settled and ready to talk on the phone.  I am grateful that he is sensitive enough to be aware of what may be going on in our end of the world. 



Some other things that we try to do when we know he is going to be traveling for work, is we will schedule a family outing or game night right before he leaves and when he comes home, that way the kids have quality time with dad before he goes and when he returns.  I think it helps set the tone for happy memories of daddy leaving and returning, instead of fostering a sadness that daddy is traveling.  


Don’t be afraid to ask for help or invite yourself over to a friend’s house.  I know I am very grateful for the times family and friends know my husband is away and they invite us over or out somewhere, but I also know everyone is busy with their families too and sometimes might not know your husband is traveling for work.  I know it can be lonely when he travels for longer periods of time or in frequent spurts, and there have been times when I called a friend and said hey I need some adult conversation and need to get out of the house will you meet the kids and I at the park, or can we come over and hang out for a bit.  There have been times when I needed help moving something or fixing something again, something we take for granted is having Mr. Fix it around and handy, don’t try to do it alone, if you need help ask a neighbor or a friend.  I find people are usually more than willing to help if you ask.     


Last but not least, enjoy letting your kids build tents in the front room and leaving it up since dad won’t see the mess when he gets home from work that day.  Enjoy sitting in the backyard and watching your kids play, instead of constantly cleaning, and straightening.  This is something I enjoy when my husband is away for work, you don’t have to let your house be a disaster, but you can let the kids enjoy their toys and wait till the evening to clean up before bed.   I find my kids are excited to help clean and prepare the house the day or day before dad is coming home, they appreciate that mom let them keep their Lego's out the last couple days but now it’s time to clean-up and get ready for daddy to come home.


I hope some of the things that help us will help you the next time your spouse travels and if you don’t have a spouse that travels, give them an extra big hug and kiss and let them know how much you appreciate them for whatever it is they help with; putting the kids in bed, cleaning up dinner, or keeping the kids busy so you can clean up.  They do make a difference and it is nice to have two extra hands around the house, make sure you step back and realize how life would be different if they were not there to make you laugh (aka annoy you).  Be grateful that you have someone lying next to you in bed at night, even if they do steal the blankets or switch the pillows, these are all the things you miss when they are gone.  Recognize that both of you add to your family and household dynamic, life and parenting sure is a lot more fun when you have someone with you for the journey.


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