You are Enough

With recently celebrating Mother’s Day and through some recent conversation with my husband I am reminded of the importance of being sensitive to each other.  In conversation with some fellow mom friends, not everyone loves Mother’s Day, some feel they have not been a good mother, or feel they didn’t have a good mother, and they focus on the blow it’s in their life so celebrating Mother’s Day is not fun for them.  Being a mom is hard work, being a spouse is hard work, heck being an adult is hard work.  We don’t always feel adequate, or equipped to be the person we need to be to all the people we need to be to in our lives.  

My husband was recently joking about a childhood Hollywood crush he had, she happened to be in a show we were watching, which his comment really did not bother me but I am so grateful that the very next day he apologized for the comment he made and reassured me that I am the only one he desires.  He took the time and made effort to let me know that I am enough for him, which is key in a relationship.  I love the John Legend song “All of Me”.  I love the lyrics  ‘Cause all of me loves all of you.  Love your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections.  

We all have imperfections, and some days our imperfections are magnified.  I find in any relationship that is truly what we desire, is to be loved and accepted for who we are, all our idiosyncrasies, all the quirks and things that set us off.  For example, when I am hungry or tired I am not the happiest person to be around, but I love that my husband knows that about me and accepts that about me, he does not take my "hangry" mood personal.  He can tell when I’m edgy and often makes room for me to have my moment.  Just like I have my moments my husband has his moments, times he does not express himself fully, there are times he is sensitive to my needs and there have been times in our relationship that he isn’t sensitive, yet I love him no matter what.  Likewise there have been times I have been sensitive to his needs and other times caught up in being mom or just plain selfish that I haven’t been sensitive to his needs.  We have both expressed to each other we are not going anywhere, that we love each other and I think that is key we desire to know the people in our life will not give up on us, not matter what kind of funk we may be in.

My question for you and I is does your spouse know that you love them no matter what, that you love every imperfection, every quirk, every request that they make.  My husband has a specific way he likes his sandwhich made, he has certain noises that he does not appreciate.  While as a mom I have learned to tune many sounds out I choose to try and eliminate those sounds in his presence.  I have joked about his preferences when it comes to food, and he often reminds me he is not complaining, but if he can make a certain request well then he has one.  I have grown to love those what some would call silly requests, because it’s him, it’s who he is, and he is the one I love.  

With being pregnant you don’t always feel your greatest, you can feel fat, you can feel bad because you are running low on energy and haven’t kept up with household chores as usual.  You are extra emotional which some days is good and others not so good.  I am grateful my husband has voiced his appreciation for the things I do and also voiced he’s okay that some things are not done and he knows I am extra tired at times, or forgetful with pregnancy brain.  I am grateful he has stepped up to help around the house and accomplish my honey do list.  I am grateful he reminds my boys to be extra helpful with picking up things and carrying things for mom.  I know that because my husband is helpful that my boys have learned to be helpful with carrying laundry up and down the stairs for me, with helping with the dust pan when I sweep, so I don’t have to bend down.  

I am taking the time to write this to encourage you to be sensitive to those in your life, yes your spouse, but also your children, and the other people in your life.  Make room for them when they are having a moment.  Sometimes we don’t always know what people are going through that we forget to reassure them that they are enough, that they are loved, and appreciated when they are on their A game and also when they’re not.  We should love the people in our lives not because the services they provide but because who they are as a person.  A great example is our kids, we love our kids even when they are not big enough to help, even though they often create more work and mess for us to clean-up, even though they often create extra costs for us.  We do not expect anything in return for the love and many things we do for our children.  We should express the same love and effort for our spouse.   

If you have a pregnant friend in your life, remind yourself of what it was like to be pregnant, and be helpful to them or least give them the time or space they need in facing the joyous moment but also some uncomfortable moments.  Don't take it personal if they are being a little extra emotional or snippy.  They do not need negative comments about their mood, they need your love, support, reassurance.   

If you have a toddler in your life, remind yourself they are learning to express themselves and learning to handle their emotions and sometimes when they are having a meltdown it’s not because they are just being a brat, but they don’t know how to fully express themselves, sometimes it is because they need a nap, or need something to eat or it’s due to what is going on around them the stresses they sense from their parents.  I have watched my boys become clingy when I am pregnant, not my older ones this time around but each time I have been pregnant my toddler seemed more clingy and whiny.  It has amazed me, the minute you bring home that new baby, that same whiny toddler that has been stretching my patience seems to grow up overnight.  They act much older, they are helpful and seem so grownup.   

If you have a friend or relative in your life who is having a tougher financial time be sensitive to their situation and the mood they may be in.  If you know someone who is going through a separation or divorce be sensitive to their situation, be helpful if you can, be a listening ear, have them over for dinner recognize how their entire life as they knew it is changing.  

Remember it is not only negative things that affect people’s moods but even good things, like having a new baby, starting a new job, moving into a new house.  These are things that are good but can also be stressful on people.  Change can affect our sleeping habits, our eating habits and our everyday routines, which can have us on edge or mentally checked out.  So the next time your spouse or friend is having a tougher moment, don’t take it personal, pause and take a look at what is taking place in their life and then ask yourself how you can help, how you can make life easier for them.  How you can reassure them they are loved, accepted and will get through this both good and bad things.  Express to them you are by there side, never giving up on them, never walking away. 

Make time this week to write a note or send a text to your spouse telling them you appreciate them for who they are in your life.  It is good to appreciate what they do for your family, but also sometimes let your appreciation for them not surround only what they do or provide but voice appreciation for who they are.  Express how much you need and value their love, friendship, support, laugh, funny quirk.  Pick out something about them that you adore, cherish and sometimes take for granted and reassure them they are the love of your life, your heart’s desire.  

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