As parents we desire for our children to be honest, not
cheat, lie, or steal. I recently had a conversation with my seven year old about
lying. He likes to say things to his
brothers and then say “I was only joking”.
Also this past week, someone threw a pillow at the three year old, who
was knocked over and crying and when I asked who threw the pillow, the two
older children did not want to own up to it.
It took some coercion to get to the truth.
I had a big conversation about telling lies and how it can
lead to big trouble. I explained the
problem with telling little lies is it leads to bigger lies. We discussed once you tell a lie you then
have to remember the lie you told to keep it going and life becomes more
difficult than it needs to be.
I also went on to say that people can go to jail for lying in
court and lying to certain people. I believe
I conveyed the extreme consequences that come from telling lies, by the look on
their little faces. I hope if I train
them when they are young to always tell the truth even if it comes with
consequences they will live a life of honesty.
I went on to explain that as their mom I love them and don’t
want them to be in trouble, but more important is for them to always tell the truth. I also explained
that I would rather them admit they made a mistake or made a wrong choice than
to lie to me about it. I explained the
importance of asking for forgiveness when you do something wrong. I shared with them about a time when I was
younger and I lied and got in big trouble with my parents and the times I admitted my wrong choice and the forgiveness I received.
When I was growing up, I remember my parents telling me that
if I did something wrong and came to them with the truth, yes I probably would
have a form of punishment and a lecture, but if I was caught by them in the
middle of my lie or sneaking around, or worse someone coming and bringing it to
their attention, the punishment would be greater.
I appreciated this relationship I had with my parents. I knew that I could always talk to my parents
about anything even wrong choices I made and they would listen and help me
realize the consequences of my actions with love and forgiveness.
Someone once told me they pray that their children are caught
when doing things wrong. When you think
you get away with the wrong choices you make you are more likely to continue
making wrong choices because you think you got away with it. When you are caught lying, stealing or
whatever it may be on a continual basis you are more likely to stop. So I have adopted this prayer as a parent as
well. For their benefit I pray my
children are caught when they do something wrong.
Having a discussion with your children about honesty is very
important. Children need to know that
you love them no matter what they do and that you will love and forgive them
for mistakes they make, with the emphasis on honesty. They can admit when they make a mistake and
ask forgiveness. They need to know they
can talk to you about anything. Children
need to know that you also made mistakes when you were younger and had
consequences for those mistakes.
I don’t have this parenting thing down perfect but I know that
God has entrusted these little ones to me to mold, shape and train them in the
way they should go. I have good days and
bad days as a mom, I have days when I speak with great patience and have great
teaching conversations and I have days where I lose my temper and am not the
greatest example I could be.
To set a good example we also should admit to our children
when we blow it and ask them to forgive us, so they can see us putting into
practice what we ask them to do. I have
gone back to my children and apologized for the way I’ve reacted to a situation. I have apologized to my children for getting
angry and explained to them that I am not angry at them but at the
situation.
Along with praying for my children to be caught, I also pray
that God bridge the gap between the love that I give them and the love they
need. We don’t always get it right as
parents but we can trust God to make up the difference. It is a great privilege and responsibility to
have these little minds, hearts and spirits and I am so grateful to have the
help of God, family and friends in teaching and training our children. We don’t have to parent alone. We can pray for God to have the right
influences and relationships in their lives.
That God would bring people with strengths that we might not have to be
role models in their lives.
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