Pre-Marital Counseling

This post is to encourage you to avail yourself to pre-marital counseling if you are planning on getting married.  If you are already married, it’s never too late to discuss topics that you haven’t discussed and to have someone help you in discussing those topics or maybe topics you have discussed but just don’t see eye to eye on, that IS when you want a third party involved to assist.  If you are already married share this with someone you know who is going to get married or has a desire to get married in the future.

We had pre-marital counseling through the church we were married at.  We met with our local pastor and other couples in the church.  We filled out a questionnaire about major topics you face when getting married and in marriage.  We not only discussed marriage topics, but also wedding preparation and planning for our wedding.  We were engaged nine months so we had ample time to go through this process, but I’ve also watched couples in our church who were engaged and married within three months avail themselves to pre-marital counseling and its benefits.  I will share on a later blog post about one of my favorite assignments we received in pre-marital counseling.

I’m grateful that we discussed our thoughts, opinions, beliefs on the major subjects in life, so we knew who we were marrying.  That is a big key if you are in the process of getting married, desire to get married or have a friend that is getting married.  Be sure to discuss your belief system on: faith, parenting, finances, career, dreams, goals, purposes.  You should discuss before you are married, how many kids you both desire, if you want to have kids right away or wait.  Will you both always work, or will your wife stay home once you start a family.  Nothing has to be set in stone, but it should be discussed so you know how the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with thinks about these important issues. 

It’s not say you have to agree about everything and think exactly the same about every topic, but you should be aware of how your soon to be spouse does think to some degree.  You should ask yourself can you live with someone the rest of your life who wants to never have children, or with someone who wants ten children.  Or what about career, can you marry, love, support someone who has a career that requires a lot of travel or is in the military and requires a lot of moving around and what about religion, and how you plan on raising your children.  What about finances, do you know how the person you plan on marrying handles finances, do they have a lot of debt, are they a saver, planner.  These are huge issues that will be part of your life as you join together in marriage.

It’s not that you have everything figured out before you get married, because no matter how much you plan, prepare and think you know your spouse once you are married, you change, they change, life happens and you need to adjust.  When you have an open line of communication and know the core values of the person you are marrying the adjustments you have to make throughout life are easier to make with someone who is truly committed to your relationship.  When you know you are in this together forever, you can face and overcome anything together.

You might say to yourself well we can play 21 questions with each other and do this on our own, it’s different and more beneficial to have someone who is married and been down this road advise you in this.  I remember being young and in love you don’t always think straight, you get caught up in the emotion of being in love and head over heels that you don’t always say your true feelings or opinions, sometimes you don’t even know what you really think on certain subjects, because you’ve never been married before, or you haven’t lived on your own and operated a budget, if you are like me I lived at home with my parents until I was married.  Yes I had jobs and my own income, but I didn’t have the responsibility of a mortgage and all the bills that come with living on your own, let alone living with another person and having two lives, two different people come together as one. 

It’s nice to know before you marry someone what their family is like, because when you marry someone you also marry their family.  You inherit their parents and siblings and everyone else in their life.  Have you watched Everybody Loves Raymond?  Wouldn’t you want to know beforehand if you are going to have Mrs. Barone for a mother-in-law?

If you attend a local church, inquire if they offer pre-marital counseling most do, and if they don’t they can help you find where to obtain those services.  If you don’t attend a church, you can Google pre-marital counseling and find services near you. 

Through pre-marital counseling you will learn how to effectively communicate, how to resolve conflicts, discuss major topics and also learn how your spouse receives love, have you heard of the Five Love Languages, I’ll blog about that another time.

I once heard someone say marriage can be the closest thing to heaven on earth and also the closest thing to hell on earth.  Marriage takes investment, it would be wise to invest before you are married, build a strong foundation.  If you are already married don’t count yourself out or think it’s too late.  Counseling is not only for those with major issues, the way I see it if you’ll avail yourself to counseling and wisdom from others in the small things, then if you do face major things you will have a support system already built into your relationship. 

Planning on getting married or already married decide to work on becoming a better you throughout all the different seasons in life.

Thank you for reading if you’ve enjoyed the content you’ve read above please share with your friends.

www.BlogAboutItAll.com