Expecting Baby #4

Our Birth Announcement we posted at Christmas

We are expecting baby #4 due July, 2015!  It has taken me a while to write this and get it posted, between kids, life, my volunteer work and feeling tired from being pregnant I have not blogged much lately.  

We are very excited, my boys are a little older and understand at a greater level what a new baby means, which heightens the excitement in the house.  They each talk to the baby and rub my belly and I love that they are more aware of our new addition.  When my oldest was two and 2^nd brother was on the way, he knew a baby was on the way because we told him, but not like he knows know at the age of eight.

I have three boys and of course I would love to have a daughter, I’ve wanted a daughter and imagined having a daughter since the birth of my first child.  With that being said though, I ultimately believe that each child is a gift from God and that He is the creator and giver of life.  God knows what we need and I believe as the scripture says in Psalm 139:13-16 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.  Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.  And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.

I know many people who announce they are expecting right away, we waited.  We waited for a couple different reasons, one I had a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy and although you end up telling family when you’ve gone through a miscarriage I don’t know the fullness of it, but part of me wanted to wait till after that 8 week period, I had miscarried at 8 weeks with my last pregnancy so I wanted to wait.  Also with three boys, I knew there would be non-stop comments about is this baby going to be a girl, and I hope you’re having  girl, and so many others that I really wanted to hold off on all the comments for as long as possible.  Who really wants to go through 9 entire months of comments from both strangers and those who mean well about what your baby will be.   And last but not least we had family from out of town scheduled to visit at Christmas, so we figured we would wait to tell everyone at Christmas.  

I gave my parents a wrapped Christmas present, with a baby diaper, and baby cradle ornament and we told my husband’s family at our Christmas Dinner, which was nice to have everyone together and announce it at once.  

I think having gone through a miscarriage helped me choose, decide well in advance, no matter what this baby was going to be a girl or boy, ultimately that is my greatest desire, for a happy, healthy baby, no matter the gender.  My sister-in-law had also recently lost her baby shortly after giving birth in the hospital, so even more so I stand in awe of the miracle of childbirth and do not take for granted the gift of each pregnancy and child.

I love my boys and boys are all I know, so even though part of me would love to experience a little girl and all things pink and frilly, I am used to all things blue, sports, and rough and tumble.  I am okay with being a boy mom, I hear so very often from moms with girls, that tell me how much easier it is to have boys and so I encourage myself with that as well.

I have not only wanted a girl for myself but for my boys, especially my two oldest who are six and eight years old.  They often voice the desire for a sister.  I frequently reminded them throughout my pregnancy prior to finding out what we were having that no matter what this baby is boy or girl, we are going to be grateful and reminded them what a blessing they each were and we wouldn’t trade them for anything and how each of them has added something to our family that is irreplaceable.

Our 20 week Sonogram

When it came to our 20 week mark, where we were scheduled for our ultrasound, I wanted to do some kind of gender reveal for my boys, nothing too big but something.  My husband had mentioned to me “why, this is baby #4 we can just tell them when we get back.”  But I wanted to make it special, I didn’t want my boys to be disappointed if you will with either gender announcement, I wanted them to be excited and sense excitement and joy over whatever this child would be.  So I made cupcakes with pink and blue frosting, the frosting in the middle revealing the gender, of course since I didn’t know myself I had to make both kinds.  My husband said “why are you going through all this work”.  I also had pink and blue juice, cotton candy and candies.  Since everyone kept asking when our ultrasound was I couldn’t really wait another day and keep that secret even longer.  Even during our ultrasound we were receiving texts and calls asking so have you found out yet?    Of course we also had a really long ultrasound to find out and so the wait kept on going for us and everyone else.  

After our ultrasound we arrived at Abuela’s house my mom who was watching my boys and we did our big reveal, my youngest who was only 3 was actually really excited it was another boy, I’ll never forget his giant “YES”!  My older two I could sense slight disappointment, but with the cupcakes and since dad and I were excited, they quickly recouped.  Which I am grateful for, because recently I attended a class where they discussed the effects of rejection in your life, even rejection that started when you were in the womb and born.  Which I have heard before that babies sense the stress, and any other negative or positive feelings the mother is experiencing during her pregnancy.  I’m grateful that I purposed well in advance how special this baby is no matter the gender, this baby is so loved already by brothers and all of us.  

Our boys finding out with cupcakes!

I know this is not only for boy moms but for moms who have all girls, the comments are the same, this pressure to have a boy from everyone under the sun.  I think it’s really sad the pressure that is put on people by strangers and relatives to have either a boy or a girl.  We should emphasize the gift that it is to conceive and give birth no matter the gender.  Experiencing pregnancy and childbirth and loss, I know how special it is to be able to conceive and do not take it for granted.  There are a lot of women who can’t conceive, or have trouble conceiving and would give anything to experience pregnancy and childbirth that why does our society have to put so much pressure on people.  

I watched a friend of mine who had two girls first and heard the non-stop comments to her on how she needed a boy to carry on the family name and the next one better be a boy and a Jr. named after the father, and I saw the sadness in her, I didn’t see her enjoy her pregnancy.  She did end up having a boy the third time around but why can’t people compliment pregnant women with wow, how wonderful I’m so excited for you, how special, even women who have experienced childbirth don’t you remember how special it was.  

Maybe because I’ve experienced it myself is why I always comment to pregnant women how great it is, what a gift it is to be pregnant and have a baby and don’t put any emphasis on what the gender will be.  If they mention they want a girl or boy, I’ll say some positives about having a boy and even comment on how wonderful to have a girl and purchase lots of fun pink stuff, and I talk about the great relationship/friendship I have with my mom as a daughter.   I just think we should relish in whatever we are gifted, and not be so one sided and it can even be as a boy mom, I often hear boy mom’s talk about how thank God we don’t have to deal with girl drama and all the stuff girls go through.  And then girl moms who are all about having girls and say thank God we don’t have to deal with sports and smelly boys.  

So I encourage you if you are reading this the next time you are with a pregnant woman, whether stranger or someone you know, encourage her with what a gift and miracle it truly is.  Don’t put pressure on her to have one or the other gender or which gender is better or worse, the truth is both genders have positives and I won’t even say negatives, there are no negatives to having a son or daughter, yes there are different experiences, different life lessons you learn from each, there are no negatives.  Both sons and daughters are great, they both bless your life in different ways.

One thing I love about having children is getting to learn from them and see life through a child’s eyes, and that is even why I have desired to have a girl, because it is a different experience I would learn and grow through, a different lens I would experience.  

So I encourage you if you are pregnant, enjoy it, enjoy every moment, even the uncomfortable ones, because it is a gift and privilege that God has blessed us with.  Do not allow the pressures from strangers or family to only be excited with one or the other gender.  We only experience pregnancy for a short time in our life, it is a season that comes and goes too fast.  Be excited no matter what you are having and know that God the creator of the Universe chose you to be mom to that little bundle of joy boy or girl.  What a privilege and gift to be a mom or dad.  What a joy to experience a love like no other, no words can explain the love you will sense the second that baby is put in your arms, it even begins when you see that line on that pregnancy test, or when you hear the heartbeat for the first time and grows when you feel those first flutters in your belly.  

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