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October 30, 2014

Paying off Debt

I know when you are in debt, it can be difficult to face the numbers.  I know people who will not open their mail, who just throw their bills in a drawer where they cannot be seen.

I have felt the pressure of debt, avoiding the numbers will not make it go away, or make you feel the burden any less.  I know what it is like to lay in bed thinking about your debt, wondering if you made a payment, thinking about extra fees.  You will find if you write it out and are at least aware of it you will feel better. 

I find if you will face the numbers write them all on a list, then you can start working towards paying off your debt, or at the very least stop incurring more debt.

Remember you did not get into debt overnight and it will take some time to pay off your debts.  Review if there is anything you can cut out cable, manicures, eating out, this will enable you to pay off your debt at a faster rate.  This is not always fun, but well worth it.  If you cannot cut something completely out can you cut back?

Here are some tips to facing your debt.
  • Write all debts on one list.  Include your balance, interest rate, minimum due, and due date.  Here is a Debt Summary List you can downloadhttp://goo.gl/CipQww (from www.BillKrause.com) 
  • Call your debtors and negotiate a payment plan.
  • Call your debtors and ask for a lower interest rate.
  • Pay the smallest debt first! 
  • As you pay off debts put a big bold line through it on your list.  As you see success and progress it will help spur you on to continue.
  • Think of witty ideas on how to earn extra money to go towards your debt.  Yard Sale, Ebay, Side Job, Service you can offer (Service in your field, cleaning a friend or family members house, cooking meals for another family for a fee, using your computer skills to help a friend in business, weekend or evening babysitting.)  Think outside the box!
  • Use the debt snowball method click here for more information: http://goo.gl/dxJmjN
  • Read other’s stories on-line how they paid off their debt, it will inspire you, that it is possible.  You can learn ideas that worked for them, that may help you.
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October 29, 2014

Financial Freedom Seminar

This post is to encourage you to avail yourself to seminars, conferences and classes.  I know it costs money to attend and it takes planning for your family and sometimes rearranging schedules.  We need to recognize the need for concentrated growth in our lives.  Just like vacation time is important to relax and refocus our lives at times.  Times of investing in the Word of God, and classes/seminars that better our lives are necessary.  It is nice to go to a one day class, but there is a difference in a week long immersion if you would. 

Twice a year my pastor hosts a Financial Freedom Seminar.  We just attended the first week in October, then went into another week of meetings with a special guest speaker at our church.  While it is still October I wanted to share a little of what I received.  The Seminar is titled Financial Freedom but it is so much more.  

Attending classes and growing in your budgeting skills is part of becoming great at living by a budget.  It is in attending classes and seminars like the one above where I learned how to budget, where I learned about the envelope system.  Tips on saving, vacationing, paying off debt and other financial principles.

We discussed finances, budgeting, living debt free, being a giver, but we also discussed many other things.  We learned how our finances affect our marriage, family life, and spiritual life. 

We learned how to kill our fear app that is running, just like using Advanced Task Killer on your cell phone to kill those apps that drain your battery.  In life we have apps that run in our mind if we do not recognize these apps, we can feel tired, drained, in fear and not even know why.

We discussed the love of God.

People shared tips on how they meditate on the love of God.

We discussed times we walked in complete love with people and realized the importance of living a life of walking in love.

We discussed the importance of married couples walking in love and staying in unity for their children and grandchildren.  I saw in a greater way the importance of my children seeing their grandparents happy and in love.   In this day and age we live in with the divorce rate so high both in the secular world and in the church our kids need to see marriage works. 

Someone recently mentioned how young girls these days do not want to get married right away like when I was growing up and times before.  I know education and career goals and dreams are important, but there is a shift if you notice.  The age of women getting married and starting a family is no longer the 20’s but 30’s and 40’s.  I am not saying one is better than the other, just noting another perspective is, if young girls see marriage as something miserable or something that ties you down and keeps you from living your dream career, what hope do we have for our children to have a healthy image of married life.  If they see couples fighting and living separate lives and not walking in unity, why would they want to join the married club.

We had great fellowship with other believers, encouraging each other, sharing with each other.

Below you will find information on the Financial Freedom Seminar which takes place every year in October and March.  No matter where you live, you can join us on-line via live stream.  Make plans now to attend in March, start budgeting money for the event, request the time off work early. 

I also want to encourage you if you attend a local church that hosts seminars avail yourself to them.  Take time to invest in your spiritual life; attend marriage seminars, seminars to better hone your job skills, parenting classes, etc.

Next Seminar: March 2 – March 4, 2015, cost $99, link to register on-line:

Free Monthly classes: www.BillKrause.com
Next free class: November 8, 2015 8:45 AM PST


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October 28, 2014

My Favorite Pre-marital Assignment

I mentioned before in an earlier post how I would blog about my favorite pre-marital counseling assignment.  My husband and I have been married for over eleven years and this one assignment has stuck with us all this time.  We frequently refer to this assignment. 

Our pastor in pre-marital counseling assigned us to meet with over ten married couples.  Our pastor had specific couples in mind with specific stories for them to tell us about.  He also encouraged us to spend time with married couples, either on a couples date, dinner at their house, or some fun activity so we could observe, ask questions and learn from their life story.

This assignment in some way further inspired my desire to blog.  I know in meeting with these couples, hearing their story, my life, my marriage was forever creased.  These couples shared intimate details about their relationships, hardships they have endured and overcame.  As a result of discussing a variety of different topics with people who were open and honest is why I love to help with marriage counseling, why I love blogging, I want to share my life story in hopes you can learn from my mistakes, gather from my strengths and make wiser choices from observing my life.

As a result of experiencing this it has helped me be more open and taught me to tap into the gift of the people around me.  I remember a time my husband and I went away for the weekend with another couple friend of ours and I was asking questions about their life.  They shared openly but I remember the look like “you sure do ask a lot of questions”.  I always preface, you can share if you would like or just tell me you do not want to talk about it, I will not take it personally.  I am not just asking to be nosy, I am asking to learn, to possibly implement what is working for you in my life. 

Some couples we met at their house, others we went out to dinner with, others we talked while we played miniature golf, or at ice-cream after bowling.  We discussed simple topics and other topics quite deep.  One couple shared with us how they handled loss as a couple, I did not know then that we would experience a miscarriage, and yet we met with this couple who had miscarried quite a few times, and then gave birth to twin stillborn babies before they had their miracle baby.  We discussed how they got through that as a couple, how it affected their married life, sex life, and so much more.  I am so grateful for their honesty and being vulnerable in sharing with us.   

After meeting with each couple I would e-mail in a synopsis of what we discussed, which I am so grateful I did, because I have all that information still today and refer to it at times.

Some of the other topics we discussed (I will blog in greater detail about some of these topics):
  • How to handle holidays and in-laws.  Where will you be spending Thanksgiving or Christmas?
  • How to cleave to your spouse, truly becoming one.
  • Adjusting to married life, and being alone together, traveling together.
  • Being with family as a married couple.  Also being sensitive to your families adjusting to you as a married couple.
  • Communication
  • Being quick to admit when you’re wrong, quick to apologizing and ask for forgiveness and quick to forgive.
  • Different seasons in marriage, newlywed season, adding children, children leaving, empty nesting, grandchildren.
  • Being a united front, once we have kids, remember we were together before the kids, keeping each other a priority.
  • Finances, debt, budgeting, saving.
  • No secrets, getting rid of misconceptions before marriage.
  • Intimacy, truly giving of yourself. 
  • Recognizing the needs of your spouse, emotionally, spiritually, financially, being sensitive to each other.
  • Reading the Bible together, praying together and growing spiritually together.
  • Dating after marriage, being spontaneous, making time for each other.
What a privilege we had as a young soon to be married couple to be able to discuss these huge issues before we were married.  We have been able to adjust our thought process as we have matured, it set us up for an open line of communication.  

If you have a family member getting married, share a part of your story to help their marriage, and relationship, share mistakes you had to overcome as a married couple.  Share what you found different than what you thought married life would be, share how you overcame your first fight, share the best thing you did at your wedding, the best thing about being married for you is, etc.

If you are single and desire to be married one day, glean from the married couples in your life.  Watch how they handle situations, do not judge them, take note of things you want to put in place in your marriage and other things you do not want to have in your marriage.  Learn how you can modify and implement what works for others in your married life. 

If you are married, no matter how many years, do not think you know everything.  Be willing to learn from young married couples and couples who have been married longer than you.  Ask questions, and learn from others things you can do to be a better wife or husband.  Learn from both strengths and weaknesses of others.  Hunger to grow as a person and further develop your communication skills and relationship skills.  Remind yourself of those early blissful times as you watch newlyweds, don’t be critical of newlyweds with comments like “oh they will get over that quick”, encourage that young love, you don’t ever get those beginning days back.

“The world is a university, and everyone in it is a teacher.  Make sure when you wake up in the morning you go to school.” – Bishop T.D. Jakes 

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October 27, 2014

My Birth Story – Baby #1

From the moment I was pregnant I had been reading a book called "Supernatural Childbirth", which discusses how to believe God for the supernatural throughout your pregnancy and delivery.  I learned that God wants the best for us and that children are a gift from God and pregnancy and delivery were never meant to be painful or horrible.  He created our bodies to stretch and push that baby out.  I immediately believed this and started confessing the Word of God!  There are prayers and scripture references to stand on in “Supernatural Childbirth” by Jackie Mize.  God's Word works!  I had no morning sickness or pregnancy complications.  I had a great pregnancy, and it went by fast and was enjoyable.  It is not just because the excitement of my first baby, I had great and enjoyable pregnancies with my second and third as well.

The birth of my child was a miracle and a testimony of faith and the Word it was absolutely one of the greatest days of my life.  I can't even truly explain the experience, there is nothing that compares. 

I was due July 30th, 2007 and as the end of July approached every day I wondered if today would be the day.  The morning of Thursday, July 26th, 2007 was that day.  I woke up in the morning about 6 AM feeling different.  I felt what was like menstrual cramps, and I just felt different.  I never experienced Braxton hicks or contractions, I remember thinking “how will I know I am in labor?”  I went downstairs, walked around the living room, prayed, spoke the Word and wasn't sure if it was time, this being my first baby and all, I wasn't sure really what to expect or what it would feel like.  So I would lie down and rest for a while, then get up and walk around the living room.  I ate breakfast around 7 AM and told my husband as he was getting ready for work that I thought this might be the day. 

We had a scheduled appointment with our OB at 4 PM later in the day, and I thought early in the morning maybe I could wait and make it to our appointment.  I didn't want to be sent home from the hospital with false labor and I did not want to be stuck in the hospital waiting for hours upon hours.  I was believing God that my labor and delivery would be short, quick and easy, and I wanted to labor at home as much as possible.  My husband went off to work and said he would come home to check on me around 9 and if I needed anything to call him. 

I kept walking around the house as I confessed the Word.  Jeff arrived home around 9 AM to check on me and I said "I think this is it", my contractions were 3 minutes apart at this point and I was certain I was in labor.  I called my Dr.'s office to check to see if I should go to the hospital or possibly see my Dr. earlier at her office, they suggested I go to the hospital, we made a stop at my husband’s work office on our way to the hospital.  We called the church and family to pray for us and to let them know we were on our way to the hospital.  I believe it helps to have others in agreement with you praying for you.  There is a peace when you have prayers and the support of others.  We arrived at the hospital around 10:30 AM, we got all checked in and I was dilated to 5cm.  I was excited about that, I remember saying “okay we are half way there, I can do this”. 

We told the nurse we wanted to have a natural delivery drug free and she was very helpful, which we had prayed for; all the right Dr.'s and all the right nurses.  I told her I did not want an IV, and I wanted to be able to walk around and get in the tub if I needed.  She agreed and said okay, I will monitor the baby’s heartbeat every thirty minutes and as long as everything is good you can do whatever you like.  This was important to me because so many people had told me that hospitals like to force unnecessary procedures and interventions, and people had told me this being my first baby, they were not going to let me not have an IV or anything.  I believe because we prayed, and because we walked in with confidence and kindness they were happy to work with us. 

I think if you walk in shouting and screaming and demanding your rights you will find opposition, in the same sense you should not walk in and not voice your desires.  They have policies and procedures that they follow, but I find will modify with communication.  Work together with the medical professionals, they have you and your baby’s safety at heart.  I also believe due to reading “Supernatural Childbirth” and Jackie Mize suggesting that if you get to the hospital and realize you cannot handle the pain, then receive the help, know what you can handle.  You will do a lot better having your ideal birth plan but also being flexible with the situations that arise.  Especially if you have labored a long time, and need some rest, know you are not any less of a woman because you used pain medication.  Having a baby is a giant feat, there is a lot involved.  You do not have anything to prove to anyone, I think different women have different pain thresholds, I think each delivery is different; I think every woman should have the labor and delivery she dreams of whatever that may be.  I think too many people put too much emphasis on if you should have a home birth, hospital birth, no drugs, some drugs, each woman should decide what is right for that delivery.  I have always liked the idea of a home birth, but I also like the “safety” of being at a hospital if something were to go wrong.  For me I choose to have my babies at the hospital.  I also don’t mind staying at the hospital, some women like to leave as soon as possible, I enjoy having someone bring me meals and the bed’s that move and the lactation consultant to help those first couple of days.  I have stayed two nights with each of my births except one.  We also prayed we would have our own room, because sometimes you have to share, we were blessed with our own room which was nice.

My nurse said we should have a baby by 4 PM and I remember thinking “4 PM that is a long day”, I was already getting hungry for lunch and that was a great motivator, I started saying we are having this baby by noon as we walked the halls and confessed the Word, Jeff by my side, praying and encouraging me.  I was grateful to have my husband by my side a strong supporter, I am grateful to God for him in my life.  The time went by really fast, between walking, checking baby’s heartbeat, getting in the tub, which I really enjoyed the warm water, it seemed to relieve the pressure or take my mind off the pressure I was feeling, the time seemed to breeze by.

I had mentioned to my husband before going into labor that I wanted him to massage my back, hold my hand, be my support but do not pep talk me.  I know myself, when I am doing a difficult task I appreciate encouragement “you can do this”, “you got this”, but only so much.  This is important, ultimately the wife is the one who walks through the labor and delivery process, I find some husbands feel helpless and do not do anything and the wife feels abandoned, while others want to take control and tell you what to do and the wife feels like “look I am the one doing this you are not feeling what I am feeling don’t tell me what to do”.  It is a good idea to discuss what you would like before getting in the delivery room.  This is also important for the husband, I am grateful my Dr. asked him at some of our appointments, “Would you like to catch the baby?” “Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?”  “Where do you want to stand during the birth?”  We both had an idea of what we desired and expected.

The nurse checked me a little after noon and I was dilated to 8cm, they brought in all the stuff to prepare for delivery, put a call into my Dr. and at 1:15 PM we had a baby.  My delivery was not completely painless, but it was definitely manageable, I stayed focused on my scriptures, I could hear Jackie Mize voice in my head, I rehearsed the audio version of “Supernatural Childbirth”.  I felt a lot of pressure but did not feel like I was dying as you often hear, I was not screaming (I did have a screaming moment on my second birth I will blog about that later).  My Dr. was great in coaching me how to push.  This being my first baby I had no idea how to push until I was there.  You can only imagine so much what pushing is like until you experience it.  I now realize after having two more babies, I used too many muscles instead of focused controlled pushing.  With my first birth I remember after delivery every muscle in my body ached, my arms, my legs, my chest, everything, like I had run a marathon.  I did much better with pushing with my second and third deliveries and did not have that same aching feeling afterward.  My recovery was great, other than feeling like I did a major work out the day before, I felt great.

The whole process was miraculous and reminds me of what a BIG GOD and GREAT GOD that we serve.  My labor and delivery was supernatural I am grateful for the wonderful experience and reminder that the Word and prayer work.  I am grateful for our church and the training we receive, they had prayed with Jeff and I over the baby the last six weeks at each church service standing in agreement with us for God's best and that is what we had!  

After having a baby you leave the hospital with a new set of eyes.  Everything, the way you drive, what you eat, how loud the music is playing is filtered through a new set of lenses.  You feel love in a whole new way, it is unexplainable, I can't put it into words.  You see and feel differently, there is nothing that compares.  I felt as if I knew the love of God in a greater way, knowing how much I love this little human, helped me receive God’s love in a greater way.  I am His child, as I love my child how much more does He love me.   When you have a new baby, you think how every action and decision affects your baby, there schedule, God has good thoughts toward you and He desires the best for us.

If you are expecting a baby, I strongly encourage you to read “Supernatural Childbirth” by Jackie Mize.  I encourage you to attend birthing classes, we attended classes with all of our babies and it all helps get your mind and emotions prepared for birth.  This one is a little more difficult, but only listen to good birth stories, you do not need to hear horror stories that can bring fear in you.  While pregnant I would often watch birth stories on TLC while pregnant, but if it was turning bad or a woman having a super difficult time I would turn that episode off.

Thank you for reading if you’ve enjoyed the content you’ve read above please share with your friends.
 
I purchased "Supernatural Childbirth" at Family Books & Gifts:
Product Description:
Pregnancy and childbirth are often depicted as a time of sickness and mood swings for women followed by 12-24 hours of pain and hard labor. Many women have been told they can never conceive. Others have suffered the pain of conceiving and miscarrying. Supernatural childbirth is a practical and realistic look at God's promises for conception, pregnancy and delivery. You will learn how to put faith principal into actions for your child's birth.
Book - $9.99 Link to book: http://www.familybg.com/node/2278
Audio (3 CDs) - $19.99 Link to Audio: http://www.familybg.com/node/2279

Cleaned up ready to snuggle with mom.
Getting all checked out.
My mom, Grandma Ortiz (Abuela)
My dad, Grandpa Ortiz
My brother, Uncle Robert 
My sister, Aunt Gaby

My in-laws Grandpa & Grandma Briggs
Grandma's counting toes!

Uncle Steve & Aunt Eleanor (Jeff's brother)
Aunt Colleen (Jeff's sister)


October 25, 2014

Operation Christmas Child Interview

I participated in Operation Christmas Child for the first time last year through my local church.  My family thoroughly enjoyed giving back through this organization.  All three of my boys loved picking out items for their shoe box; they each colored a picture and my oldest included information about himself in his box.  It was a great way for them to actively participate in giving back.

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege to interview a young lady who received a shoe box when she was only 6 or 7 years old.  It was such a pleasure to speak with her.

Zarina Jensen’s mother gave birth to her when she was just 18 years old. Zarina was then placed in a Central Asian orphanage until a family in Oregon adopted her nine years later. Just before Zarina found her new family, she received a special gift in the form of a shoe box. She was the last child to receive a gift that day at the orphanage because she was shy and apprehensive about taking one. When she finally opened her gift, Zarina found a small stuffed animal that made her feel so special. Now Zarina wants to make sure other children around the world feel as special as she did, so she packs shoe box gifts at her home in Oregon.  Zarina loves to share the testimony of God’s faithfulness in her life.

Our Interview:
Me: Tell me a little bit about Operation Christmas Child.

Zarina: Operation Christmas Child impacted my life forever.  It gave me hope when I felt hopeless.  Receiving my shoe box was the first time I heard about Jesus.  Little did I know God had a plan for my life.  I would be adopted, brought to America and later receive Jesus as my Savior at 16.

Me: I understand you actually received one of these shoe box gifts when you were a little girl. What was your life like at the time you received the shoe box gift?

Zarina:  I remember being shy, and not too sure about receiving a box, after I finally opened my box I was so happy.  Living in an orphanage you do not have anything to call your own, this was the first time I had something I could call my own.

Me: Can you tell me anything you remember about the day you received the shoe box gift?

Zarina:  I remember it was two weeks before my birthday and I thought that maybe my mother had sent me a gift.  I remember thinking how nice it was to not be forgotten. 

Me: What was the most important thing in your shoe box? Why was that so special?

Zarina: A stuffed bumble bee, it was soft and something I could snuggle with and most important it was my own.

Me: How did the shoe box gift made an impact on your life? What was it about such a simple gift that made such a change in you?

Zarina: The shoe box impacted my life by giving me my first glimpse of hope.  Receiving the shoe box brought awareness that God was orchestrating something for my life. 

Me: It is such a great testament to this project that you are now packing shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child.  How does it feel knowing you are sending a gift to a child that was once sent to you?

Zarina: I am humbled at how blessed I am.  I am amazed at all that God has done for me.  I have a great family, I work at my church.  I know what it is like to have nothing and feel forgotten; now my family and I participate in Operation Christmas Child to give back.   I’ll never forget where I came from, and the blessing Operation Christmas Child has been to me.  It feels great to be able to give back, give hope to someone who is just as I was at one time.

Tips to get Involved:
  • Save the date: National Collection Week is November 17 – November 24, 2014
  • Don’t think you can make the deadline, Operation Christmas Child accepts boxes all year long, you could pack a box if not shipped this Christmas it will be shipped!
  • You can find drop off locations on their website.  You can use a shoe box of your own or use a similarly sized plastic storage container with a removable lid or other similarly sized box.
  • Follow your box: Make your $7 per box donation online and you will receive a special bar-code label that enables Samaritan's Purse to track each shoe box to its destination country.  You will receive e-mail updates and know the shipping details of your shoe box.
  • Think you don’t have time to shop or pack a shoe box, go on-line and donate to help with shipping costs of shoe boxes.  Find a drop off location near you and donate towards their shoe boxes and shipping costs.
Link for more information:

Download PDF Fact Sheet about OCC: 
http://goo.gl/JWCkyE


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October 24, 2014

My Miscarriage Story

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, October 15th is observed with remembrance ceremonies and worldwide candle lighting at 7 PM in whichever time zone you live in.  It is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death which includes, but is not limited to, miscarriage, still birth, SIDS or the death of a newborn. 

In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan.  When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower.  When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.  This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world.  It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.”

Too many families grieve in silence and feel alone.  1 in every 4 pregnancies end in the loss of a baby.  This is a statistic no woman wants to be part of, and yet we all either will experience or know someone who experiences infant loss. 

In November 2012 a couple weeks before I was getting ready to announce my fourth pregnancy to family and friends I started spotting.  I know most women announce their pregnancy right away; I have always waited till after my first Dr. appointment with ultrasound confirming my approximate due date.  With Thanksgiving right around the corner I was planning on telling our family and friends then.  Some people do this because most pregnancies are considered safe after eight weeks.  I really have done this because once you announce you are pregnant it brings on the never ending questions and comments from people, I know they mean well.  I like to enjoy this beginning season with just my husband and I knowing, celebrating and embracing new life just the two of us.  I love that first sensation of having a good secret that is so special and precious.  In this day and age we live in with social media and everything in print or media, I think it is good to keep some things private even if it’s for a little while. 

It was a Sunday afternoon when I first began to spot.  I asked for prayer later that night at evening service and Monday morning called and scheduled an immediate appointment, I had an appointment scheduled for later that week.  My Dr. saw me that Tuesday morning and ran some blood tests, my HCG levels and progesterone levels were low, my spotting had stopped, she recommended an ultrasound and more blood work to be done in a couple days.  I did not have insurance and the cost of an ultrasound would be quite costly, my Dr. called a friend who owned a 3-d ultrasound facility.  They were not a Dr. so they could not advise me on anything but they could at the least perform the ultrasound and verify a heartbeat.  My Dr. told me the ultrasound tech would not discuss the findings with me, they would perform the ultrasound and call her with the details and then she would call me, she had directed them to look for specific details.  I had prepared to pay something for the ultrasound, but the office would not receive my payment, I was so moved by their thoughtfulness and generosity in a time like this.  When they would not receive my payment I lost it, I had determined to go in that office strong and stay strong, well, that did not last.

My ultrasound was scheduled for Friday, I remember I was at a trade show for an event I was coordinating and I called my husband to tell him I would be going in that afternoon for an ultrasound. I was an event coordinator for a huge Christmas event that would take place a couple weeks after Thanksgiving providing gifts for families.  My husband left work and met me at the ultrasound place I was so relieved to have him with me.  Shortly thereafter my Dr. called and said that I had a low lying placenta, and based off the ultrasound images and my decreasing HCG levels she would estimate that I would miscarry in the next few days.  Not only was I facing a physical battle but handling nonstop phone calls for the event I was coordinating.  Working part time at another job and being a mom to three little ones.  I felt like I was in a whirlwind, and I felt like I had been hit and had the wind knocked out of me.

I remember praying for a miracle and hoping for the best and at the same time having concern about having a high risk pregnancy knowing that I had three small children to care for and feeling I was not strong enough for that.  My mom had experienced spotting when she was pregnant with me and her Dr. recommended bed rest she was a lot farther along.  My Dr. advised me that being only 8 weeks along, bed rest would not be healthy for me or my family, which I was grateful for, it relieved some of the pressure I was feeling.  I felt like I was walking on egg shells, trying everything in my power to do everything right.  Of course she recommended no lifting and to take it easier, but with 3 small children bed rest for 9 months was not feasible.  It was two full weeks from when I began to spot to experiencing my miscarriage.  Those were the longest two weeks of my life.  I did not have a D&C, I miscarried at home, I had a follow up exam with my OB GYN and she said I had passed everything naturally.

I remember needing the love and support of my mom but how hard it was to make that call, instead of sharing the joy of “I’m expecting” there was also a “but” I have started spotting and might miscarry.  I am so grateful for my mom and sister they came over and cleaned my house and helped with the boys.  I am so grateful for my husband who handled meals and baths and all the daily routine as I rested, cried, and was at a loss.  I am so grateful for my pastor and his wife who prayed for me and called to check in on me.  My pastor’s wife had also experienced miscarriage and she shared her love and support.  I really didn’t tell many people what I was going through, until after I had miscarried, especially because we hadn’t even announced our pregnancy.  The few who did know were very kind and offered support and meals, which was greatly appreciated. 

After I had miscarried I was home on a Tuesday night alone, my husband took our children to church, I was watching church service via live stream thank God for technology.  I had hopped onto Facebook at some point that evening and a friend I followed mentioned in a post if you knew anyone who experienced infant loss to visit his daughter’s blog http://10kreasons.wordpress.com, this was the first blog that I have read every single post.  She shared her story of finding out at a routine 20-week ultrasound that her baby had no heartbeat and how God had her journal daily things she was grateful for.  This was so timely and exactly what I needed.  Reading her blog birthed the dream of one day starting a blog of my own and here I am.  It helped me realize I was not alone, she wrote how her baby mattered, and he was not just a blip.  One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 139 it speaks of how we are wonderfully and fearfully made and how He knew us in our mother’s womb.  She wrote about other scriptures and songs that encouraged her spirit.

My sister in-law had miscarried just months before I did, she was 18 or so weeks along, never having experienced a miscarriage you don’t know what to say, I of course prayed and sent our love and support they live far away so I was unable to physically be there.  When she heard I miscarried she called and spoke with me on the phone, we emailed back and forth and I am so grateful she reached out to me and shared her story. 

After miscarrying I took a couple weeks off, but had to jump back in and help with the non-profit event I was helping coordinate.  We also had Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, and I had a two year old, four year old and six year old, the entire holiday season was a big blur.  In some ways I was grateful for all these things because it helped take my mind off things and I did not have the opportunity to be depressed, there was too much too do.  On the other hand, I had to deal with emotions that were stirred up by different things months even well into a year after my miscarriage.  In experiencing this loss, I learned to slow down and appreciate my children more.  I learned to cherish each and every moment and truly stand in awe of pregnancy and childbirth.  I have always cherished pregnancy and childbirth, I often wondered how anyone can say there is no God after being pregnant and giving birth, it really is a miracle, which is even more real to me experiencing loss and knowing 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss. 

A few things I’ve learned through this, when someone you know experiences loss, share your story if you have one similar so they know they are not alone.  Support them anyway possible, help with their other children, help with house cleaning, meals, and transportation of other children to and from school.  And most of all just be there, be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear to allow them to talk about their feelings and what they are going through.  I know many people keep at a distance because they don’t know what to say.  Just say I love you, I am thinking of you, can I bring over dinner for your family.

There is a stigma at times that because you are a Christian believer, you don’t or should not experience loss or often looked upon as what sin did you commit to bring this on.  I remember going through the stage of beating myself up, rethinking in my mind everything I had done the weeks prior.  Wondering what I had done to cause this.  Some people ask why bad things happen to good people.  Although we don’t always know the reasons why we lose loved ones in our life or go through hardships.  We put our faith and hope in the one true King.  The one who knew from the beginning of time what we would experience in our life.  The one who is the greatest comforter and giver of the peace that surpasses all understanding.  The one who does not cause death but walks with us through our grief process.  The one who sent His one and only son to bear our grief and sorrow.  I know there is pain and grief when you lose someone you love but if you will allow God to comfort you and carry that grief for you, you can experience peace and grace like no other.  He can fill every void and heal every broken heart.  With healing it does not mean you forget the person you lost, or move on never thinking of them but even more so knowing the significance of their life, knowing the frailty of life and knowing the love of the giver of life.  You can live your life with heaven in mind, knowing you will meet again.  Your baby is in heaven!  I love reading books about heaven, I loved the book and movie “Heaven is for Real” the young boy Colton met his sister in his heaven experience, the sister the mom had miscarried and never even told Colton about.  I loved reading “I Will Carry You” by Angie Smith, also “Mommy Please don’t Cry” by Linda DeYmaz.  I look forward to one day meeting my little one in heaven.

Even with great love and support from family and friends I still had moments of loneliness, shame, fear, heartache, I can’t imagine how people go through the loss of a loved one without a support team.  It was difficult in the weeks and months after miscarrying to see other pregnant women, to see the babies in our church nursery.  Commercials, Songs, friends announcing they were pregnant, stirred up emotions. I wondered if this baby meant as much to my husband as it did to me, not realizing that he “couldn’t” fall apart like I did, someone had to care for our three children and handle the day to day responsibilities of a family.  It was actually when I was talking with another couple I knew who had lost their eighteen month old that I was able to talk some of these feelings out.  They so kindly and gracefully shared different parts of their story.  They encouraged me that even though I never met my baby, he or she was just as real to me as them losing their toddler.  They shared how both of them grieved differently and had moments of release at different times.  There were different stages in my healing process, forgiving myself, forgiving the situation, I never blamed God, but I questioned why?

I hope after reading this post you will be more prepared to help support a friend you may know who has an infant loss.  I hope this gives you greater understanding of the struggle in losing a baby.  Be there to love, support, help those in your life experiencing loss.  Do not stay away because you don’t know what to say.  Say I love you.  Take them dinner or a gift, let them know they are in your thoughts and prayers.  Sit with them and let them talk.  Don’t make comments such as “You can try again”, “At least you have other children”, “There is a reason for everything”.  Don’t diminish the significance of their baby no matter what stage they lose their baby.  The minute you find out your pregnant, you fall in love with this little human you have never met, every life is special.  Don’t ask them what they need, when you experience loss you don’t know what you need.  Take the initiative, to help them clean, transport other children, make a meal, bake dessert, etc.

You can encourage them to focus on all the things they have to be grateful for.  However acknowledge that there loss was real.  In experiencing a loss we know we have a lot to be grateful for, and yet we also know a part of our family is missing.  Acknowledge that pain and loss is real, I think too often when someone loses someone they love they feel pushed, forced if you would to “move on”.  We know life goes on, I think that is even more real to those who have lost.  Allow them to grieve however they need to.  Give them the time they need, you can get them out of the house for some fresh air.  Just do everything in love, with compassion, and sensitivity.  Ask yourself what would you want someone to do for you if you were in their shoes.

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Disney on Ice Worlds of Fantasy Review

My three boys and I went to see Disney on Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy featuring Disney Pixar’s Cars, The Little Mermaid, Pixie Hollow with Tinker Bell and the Disney Fairies and the Toy Story gang at Sleep Train Arena, Sacramento.

Scroll down to the bottom for some facts and tips if you are attending the show!

I loved every minute of this presentation and so did my boys (ages 7, 5 & 3).  There was a lot of action to keep their attention, throughout the entire presentation. 

Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy opened the show and made appearances between each set change to introduce the different “worlds”.

My boys favorite part was Toy Story, they loved the soldiers that danced, the claw and kite that came from the ceiling and the singing and dancing.

As a mom I greatly appreciate the intermission time for potty breaks, no one misses the show and it is nice to get up and stretch your legs.  As a mom of all boys I appreciate the mix of characters, and that it’s not all about princesses.  Though their favorite part was Cars, and Toy Story they were also entertained during Tinkerbell and The Little Mermaid with all the lights and action. 

Disney did a great job with set design and costumes don’t they always!  The skating and effects were awesome!  Here are a few shots from Disney On Ice Worlds of Fantasy.



Disney On Ice Worlds of Fantasy at the Sleep Train Arena continues until Sunday, October 26th.  Get your tickets at www.DisneyOnIce.com, Ticketmaster Retail Locations, the Box Office or call 1-800-745-3000.

Disclosure: I am a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts in attending shows and reporting my opinion within this blog, as well as keeping you advised of the latest discount offers, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows.  Even though I receive these benefits, I always give an opinion that is 100% mine.

Facts & Tips 

  • Parking at Sleep Train Arena was $12.
  • Arrive early!  I like to arrive between 6 PM - 6:15 PM (Close parking, Use the Restroom, First Pick at the Vendors)
  • Park near a light, it is dark when you leave and this makes it easy to find your car.
  • In the middle of the show there will be a intermission time.  As soon as you hear the intercom announcement coming on, hurry to the restrooms, you will avoid the lines.
  • If  you are are purchasing a snow cone or souvenir from the concession vendors, I recommend, purchasing before the show starts or at the beginning of intermission.  The lines are long if you wait till after the performance, or if you hesitate during intermission.
  • They sell popcorn and cotton candy right at your seat, before the performance and during intermission.
  • Snow cone souvenir cups are my boys favorite depending on the character cup you choose prices are $8, $12, & $15.
  • My boys love that I bring glow in the dark necklaces/bracelets from the dollar store into the arena.  They do sell spinning and light up toys, being a frequent Disney on Ice attendee, they already have the spinning and light up toy and sword.
  • At the close of the show, you will know they are finishing and some people will get up to leave, depending on if you have attended before or it is your first time and you want to stay for every minute.  I like to leave as soon as they start applauding and ending the show.  If you wait till the lights come on, the hallways are crowded and there is a line of cars when exiting the parking lot.  
  • Plan on the show with intermission lasting 7 PM to 9 PM.

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