I aim to stay positive and to cultivate an attitude of gratitude no matter what I face in life. I will be the first one to tell you focus on the good! While I believe we have the capability of picking ourselves us up in the midst of what we are going through. I also want to share that I don't always look through rose colored glasses. I have bad days, sad days and want to stay in bed days too.
A little background I have homeschooled my oldest son for three years, and loved it! I am extremely grateful for the one on one time I have had with him. I am grateful that I don't have a 9-5 out of home job, that I am even able to have homeschooled. My goal was to start adding one child to our homeschooling mix, each year. The Lord started to put on my heart early last year that I needed to send my son to back to school. Then not only that, our boys have attended a small private Christian school all their school years and the Lord put on my heart that it was time for a change.
Deciding and settling on changing schools was a big thing for me. Not only a change of schools, but also making the decision to send them to a public charter school was a huge change for us. I love the school the boys attended, I love the heart of the teachers, I love the small class sizes and so much more. We made the decision, enrolled the boys in the new school and actually started to get excited about the upcoming school year and then COVID-19 happened.
We pivoted and adjusted just like everyone else and went to distance learning for the last part of the school year and it went pretty smooth. I am grateful we found our routine and settled in to distance learning. We were looking forward to summer break as well as the new school, the upcoming school year, and the excitement of my youngest starting kindergarten.
I was pretty positive the new school would open with social distancing guidelines and some kind of hybrid model of half days and I was okay with that. I know some parents do not want to send their kids back to school and that is okay. I am a firm believer in you must go with peace. You want to know what will work? You do you, you go where you have peace and faith in where God is leading you. I believe each parent has ascribed wisdom from God on how to parent each of their children. What might be right for our family is not what may work for your family and vise versa. You know what doesn't work, being stressed, anxious and fearful, our kids are impacted by our emotions.
This entire school year is difficult on everyone, no matter what choice you make, this is all new to everyone. If you keep your kids home and have never homeschooled there is daily adjusting, finding a routine, there are family dynamics that need to be worked through. If you send your kids to school, there are face masks guidelines, new drop off and pick up procedures, no matter what you do, this school year is NEW and different for us all and it all just sucks to be honest. It's hard for the teachers, who have their own families now distance learning while they have to teach other students online. This is all just crazy. I have friends who are single parents, how in the world are they supposed to work from home and teach their children, I have other friends who are essential works and still have being going into work through this entire pandemic, not all of them have someone who can stay home and school their children.
I think even if you were already a homeschool family, this school year is different, in the sense of that is the only choice available in some states, we are in California, so we don't even have a choice to send our kids to school. Just knowing you don't have a choice has a way of working on you. Even as a homeschooler we had many more choices available for extracurricular activities, on-site music lessons, cooking classes and more, and with COVID-19, everything went online to Zoom, Skype and online lessons. So even homeschooling is not the same.
WIth the new school, we had pretty high hopes of at least having the choice to participate in the distance learning program or the in-class school year. Last week we received notice that everyone would be starting this school year with the distance learning program. Not what I wanted to hear, especially for my kindergartner.
I am not as concerned with my older children, they will be fine, they can handle the distance learning program. I know my kindergartner will be fine too, I was just really have a moment, he is my last child. I wanted him to have that kindergarten experience and joy that all my other children have had. The joy and excitement of the first day, taking a lunch box, meeting new friends, circle time and field trips. Thinking about all the things he isn't starting off with really bummed me out. I went off my Keto eating lifestyle and found myself emotionally eating. My heart aches even greater knowing this is my baby, my youngest and not only does he miss out on all those kindergarten firsts, I miss out on experiencing all those firsts one last time too.
Normally I would have a ton of Back to School posts and preparation, I love the Back to School Season. I love shopping for back to school supplies and I have not bought a single thing. I see a lot of mom's decorating a room or space for distance learning and I don't even want to think about it. I hate this entire situation. Right now I forsee everyone around the dining room table for book work and when they need to be online for Zoom, Skype and Chromebook work, they will be spread out around the house.
I went through the moment of "Jessica, pull it together and work it out." I went through the guilty emotions of not embracing this season. But you know what, it is okay that you are not okay with this school year and this situation. You know what I know to be true...you are not alone. I also know in my weakness, He (God) is made strong in me as I look to Him.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
You know what else I know is true, all our kids need is us. School is important, education is important, social interaction is important, but you know what else is important FAMILY, HOME, learning those everyday life skills. Having those hands on, everyday moments of cooking, baking, cleaning, leisure reading. Having these moments with my son in our homeschool life is one of reasons I fell in love with the idea of homeschooling.
My encouragement to you is to do the best you can! Everyday wake up with a clean slate and do what is needed for that day, for that child. Even with four boys who are similar, they each are very different, what works for one of my boys will not work for another. We will all be given curriculum and lesson assignments to figure out, I refuse to stress about it. If they get through it then they do, if they need a mental break from the book work and go outside to look for bugs, and jump on the trampoline, that is important and essential too, and that is what we will do. There is no handbook, for these days, because they have never been done before, so I will put on my adventure hat and march on, one day at a time.
How do you get a kindergartner to sit for an online lesson? If my son is in front of a screen he is used to viewing one of his YouTube favorites or an online game, not a school lesson. You know what I know is essential, reading a book with him, coloring, practicing writing his name, singing the ABC's.
Bottom line, this school year is unlike any other, do what works for your family. For all of time, there has been "un-schoolers", "homeschoolers", and you know what everyone makes it.
I remember when I first told people I was going to homeschool, you get all the comments, "what about socialization?" I find it ironic that now you hear about social distancing, and the comments are the opposite. "How will you teach?" I find it ironic, now you see all the memes about kids learning the old school way of multiplication and not the "common core" way. "I don't think I am patient enough." Guess what, even the most patient person, will have their patience tried. "How will you juggle homeschooling and everything else you do?" Just like everyone else will, we adapt, it is what we do. There is never enough time in the day, not for the working mom, not for the stay at home mom, there is always more work, always something more to be done.
Now that I have had my moment of tears, and eating all the carbs, I will do what parents do. What is right for our family. Good parents always wonder "are they learning enough? "Are they adequately prepared for college?" "Am I equipping them with the life skills they need?" The fact that we think about it and try shows how much you love them and how much you want the best for them. Trust your love, trust that you were hand selected to parent your child. You are equipped to give them what they need and God will also lead and provide others and tools because guess what as much as we love our kids, God loves them even more.
As much as I hate COVID-19, I believe that God is working through it all. God did not cause this or bring this but I know Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
One thing I am grateful for in this COVID-19 season, I am was made aware of how we go about our everyday life taking many little things for granted. We really are privileged to live in this time of crisis. We do not always grow and learn the things we need to learn about ourselves when we are living in the comfort and ease of everyday life. It is through crisis seasons that we are forced to step into our capabilities. It really is all on the inside of us, we just don't realize it until we have to use it.
If you are not one who typically prays, I encourage you to look to God for strength and help, He will help you get through this. If you allow Him to, He will use these times and circumstances to your favor and for your good. He loves you and knows our frailty. He is okay with you coming to Him and saying "I don't like this", "I don't want to do this", and then in full surrender saying "I need your grace and I need your help to face each day". Prayer, meditation and reading scripture, or a devotional is great for your own mental health, in getting through these times.
I will focus on all the positives and trust that while I don't fully understand everything that is taking place, I know that God is working! He is always working! He never stops working! Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness, that is who You are.
I will rejoice that in our weakness and feeling less than, His strength is perfected in us. You will not find a mock school room set up on my feed, we will probably have all our books spread across our dining room table and be four Chrome books deep. At times I'll have to send one child to the backyard and one child to his room, because four boys, need I say more. You will find me hopping on social media when I can reading an encouraging scripture and sharing some other mom's color coded schedule and organized by color home library, as a resource. I will remind you that we will get through this and to throw out everyone else's measuring stick for success, don't measure by anyone elses measuring stick for distance learning and I will say do you, be you, get in the kitchen bake and cook with your kiddos. Read out loud together. Enjoy great family discussions, and take joy that you get to have this special, unique moment in time to enjoy your family, and yes that includes the hair pulling out days, the three cups of coffee mornings and the we are eating cereal for dinner evenings. There will be those days when they are done, when I am done and you know what that is okay, one day at a time. May we cheer each other on and encourage each other on those hard days that tomorrow will be better!
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