Family and Holidays

When you get married, it is not only a merging of two lives but two families. With the upcoming holidays approaching have you discussed where you will spend Thanksgiving and Christmas?

It is important to discuss this ahead of time and both decide what works for your family. We have been taught to pray and ask God where to be which is important; we should desire to be in the right place at the right time no matter the occasion. What if you are supposed to spend the holidays with a friend or new neighbor, there are times when you need to be out of town and times when travel would not be wise.

I know a young man who prayed about where to spend Thanksgiving one year, it was not where he would normally go, he ended up at a couple in the churches house where a friend of his also spent Thanksgiving, his friend expectantly passed away shortly after that. He has fond memories of having that quality time with his friend, which he would not have if he had not prayed about where to be and just went where he normally went.

We live near both my parents and my husband’s parents. Thankfully we all attend the same church, and both sets of parents are friends. This is a huge blessing.

I once heard a story of a couple who every Mother’s day would visit both sets of mom’s, they would load up all the children and play yard and all that comes with babies and travel to both homes. One day the husband realized what a toll that was on his wife who was also a mother; he realized Mother’s day was a lot of work for his wife who was a young mother. They decided one mother’s day to stay home and just celebrate at home, with their family.

I have also discussed a variation of this with my husband, I like input from him for both sets of parents celebrating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. It is no fun for me to have to do all the planning for Mother’s Day gifts for my mom, my mother in-law, my pastor’s wife who I like to give flowers, money or something to honor as the spiritual mother of our church. Mother’s day can become a lot of work and be dreaded. One of my favorite Mother’s day was when we hosted a brunch at our house, which I enjoyed, because everyone came over, though it was work, it was enjoyable. I did not feel like I was running all around. This past year, both mom’s, all the sister’s and sister-in-laws went to lunch and a movie, while the husbands watched the kids. That was really nice for all moms involved, there was no clean up, we were able to talk and enjoy each other and relax.

As a married couple I understand it is important to honor your parents, visit your parents, and spend time with family. There also comes a time for creating your own family traditions and celebrations. Take into consideration your wife who a lot of time does a lot of the planning, preparing, gift buying, etc.

We usually spend Christmas Eve with my; we go to Christmas Eve service at our church, then go back to our house, and eat, sometimes we have done dinner, dessert, drove around looking at Christmas lights, other times we have kept it simple with only dessert and presents. This gives my parents the opportunity to see the grand-kids open their presents from them and enjoy the Christmas Season together.

My in-laws usually schedule a Briggs Christmas get together on another date other than Christmas or Christmas Eve. With everyone’s busy schedule, school Christmas plays, extended family, etc. this has worked well for us to get together, exchange gifts, enjoy my mother in laws famous lasagna and spend time together on a date other than Christmas. Everyone helps bringing drinks, desserts, rolls, salad (my sister in-law Colleen makes an amazing salad with dried cranberries, walnuts and a yummy vinaigrette).

This enables each of our families to celebrate with our own families on Christmas morning, wake up, read the Christmas story, open presents, eat breakfast and watch the kids play with their new things.

Thanksgiving we start out every year at church for Praise and Pancakes at 7 AM, one of my favorite church services. Everyone comes in there pajamas, we each give praise to God for all His blessings and then eat pancakes together. For the past seven years I have hosted Thanksgiving dinner at my house, my parents always come over, depending if my in-laws have other engagements, they usually will stop by for dessert or to say hi. We usually invite a few people over who do not have family nearby or somewhere to go for Thanksgiving. My mom usually cooks the turkey and I cook all the sides, and we both have our favorite desserts we make. In the beginning years when we had no children, we had thanksgiving a couple times at both sets of parents, a couple times at our church who hosted a thanksgiving dinner, and one time we went out of town on Thanksgiving, which was really nice. I enjoy hosting Thanksgiving, I like to cook, I have smaller children, who at our house have their bikes to ride, trampoline to jump on, and things to keep them busy.

I encourage you to consider each other when it comes to holiday’s, consider your family’s needs as well, do you have a family member who might not be with you much longer due to age, spend time with them before they go. Do you need a low key holiday celebration, to truly relish in why we celebrate, instead of being caught up in all the festivities and being stressed and fighting with each other. Know the season you are in, not just holiday season, but the season your family is in at any given moment, be sensitive to what is truly important, more than gifts, decorations, big celebrations it is family, it is being thankful, it is creating memorable and lasting memories that your children will have when they are grown.

Be considerate of your in-laws and extended family members, maybe a sister in-law is hosting. If you have a lot of family members who like to cook and host, take turns, you could try a progressive dinner, where you visit each house for one course of the meal. We did this one Christmas, again not on actual Christmas day but the weekend before, it was a lot of fun. We were able to see each family members Christmas decorations and enjoy everyone’s cooking.

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