Have you read The Five Love
Languages by Gary Chapman? I highly
recommend the book. The book is helpful
for all, married, single, parents, if you have people in your life, you will
benefit from reading this book.
The Five Love Languages, author
Dr. Gary Chapman explains how people communicate and receive love in different
ways, he shares the wonderful things that happen when you learn to speak each
other's language.
Chapters are categorized by love
language and each one ends with simple steps to express a specific language to
your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. He has a book specifically for children and
teens for greater detail in how to express love to them, if you read any of the
books you will be able to apply the principles to all relationships.
The five love languages discussed
in the book are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of
Service and Physical Touch.
The person who is Words of
Affirmation appreciates encouraging words and compliments. Their love tank is filled when you express
your love to them through spoken words, written cards and letters and affirm
them. With this person you want to avoid
harsh words and criticism. My oldest son
is Words of Affirmation, I know every child does well with praise, with words
of affirmation as his love language he shines and excels with words of
affirmation. When he is being affirmed
with words, he is happier, and more outgoing.
He shines and beams with joy and love.
The person who is Quality Time
feels loved when you spend quality time with them, that is time with no
interruptions, undivided attention, and one to one conversations. You can fill their love tank by running
errands with them, taking trips, doing things together, going on walks and
sitting and talking at home. My husband
is quality time, and our get-a-ways that we take together are extremely
important in our relationship. I also
find he doesn’t appreciate when we are doing something together, playing a
game, watching a movie if I am “multi-tasking” he wants my undivided
attention.
I believe children need all five of
the love languages expressed to them and appreciate them, but also just like
us, they have what is most important to them.
I have son that although he is young only five, I can tell he leans
towards quality time. If he is telling
us about his day at school he wants everyone in the house listening to what he
is saying, no one else can be doing anything, or any side conversations taking
place. He also is the first one to want
to run an errand with me, while my other two sons, are happy to stay home and
continue playing, my quality time son, jumps at the opportunity for one on one
time. With Quality Time people you want
to avoid spending too much time with friends or groups, isolation and gaps of
time between times spent together.
The Receiving Gifts person
communicates love through gift giving and loves to receive gifts. Remembering special occasions is important to
them and giving gifts and small tokens are important. With this person you want to avoid forgetting
special events and gifts for no reason at all are important to them. It is not about materialism or the size of
the gift, but rather the love they feel when they know you thought of them and
purchased or made a gift for them.
The Acts of Service person feels
loved when you say “What can I do for you?” “I will stop and get that for you”
“Today, I did this for you” they greatly appreciate when you assist with house
chores and you have ongoing acts of helpfulness. You want to avoid forgetting promises and
over commitment of tasks.
The person who is Physical Touch
feels loved with pleasant facial expressions, hugs, pats, touches, sitting
close, holding hands. You want to avoid
physical touch in a negative way, threats, and neglect. I discovered I was physical touch after I was
married, I had read the book before marriage and thought I was a gifts person,
which was a big way that I expressed love to my friends and family, gifts and
dates of special occasions are important to me.
I grew up in a home that was not very touchy, we didn’t hug and kiss a
lot, my family loved each other, we were just not very physically embracing
people. Once I was married I realized
how important physical touch is for me, I appreciate gifts from my husband and
quality time with him, but more than any of the love languages, I need him to
hold my hand, sit next to me and have times of physical touch that are not just
sexually motivated. I can see my
youngest son is physical touch, all three of my boys give hugs, but he likes to
cuddle the most, he likes to climb up on your lap and he’ll linger around. He hugs friends, he hugs teachers, and he is
very embracing.
If you have not read the book, I
encourage you to pick up a copy you will enjoy learning about yourself and
those in your life.
If you have already read the
book, I encourage you to refresh your memory of the love languages and be
observant to the people in your life, not just your spouse and children, what
about co-workers, extended family, people you attend church with. Be sensitive to share love with others,
someone you know may need a word of encouragement, a hug, time spent just
listening to them, a gift of thoughtfulness or an act of service you can do for
them.
In this world we live in with
bullying, the pain of lost loved ones, emotionally unattached people, you could
be the very person that brings love and hope to someone who is hurting and
feeling lonely, feeling like no one cares or notices they exist. As you observe those close to you, you can learn their love language and then reach out to them with the things that mean the most to them.
I know my parents loved me the best
they could, but how much more they could have expressed that love if they knew
how much I longed for hugs, and the close knit relationships I witnessed in
other families who shared those embraces.
As a mom now myself, I know I am not perfect and will make plenty of
mistakes, I appreciate reading books like this that prompt me to be aware of
what my children need in a greater way to feel loved and appreciated. I have watched at different times, when my children are not behaving as well as I would like them, if I slow down and seek what they need, recognize at times they are crying out for greater attention or are feeling my hurried stress, as I love them in their love language their behavior changes immediately.
You can purchase The Five Love
Languages here http://www.familybg.com/node/2124.
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