This post is to encourage you to avail yourself to
pre-marital counseling if you are planning on getting married. If you are already married, it’s never too
late to discuss topics that you haven’t discussed and to have someone help you
in discussing those topics or maybe topics you have discussed but just don’t
see eye to eye on, that IS when you want a third party involved to assist. If you are already married share this with
someone you know who is going to get married or has a desire to get married in
the future.
We had pre-marital counseling through the church we were
married at. We met with our local pastor
and other couples in the church. We
filled out a questionnaire about major topics you face when getting married and
in marriage. We not only discussed
marriage topics, but also wedding preparation and planning for our
wedding. We were engaged nine months so
we had ample time to go through this process, but I’ve also watched couples in
our church who were engaged and married within three months avail themselves to
pre-marital counseling and its benefits.
I will share on a later blog post about one of my favorite assignments
we received in pre-marital counseling.
I’m grateful that we discussed our thoughts, opinions,
beliefs on the major subjects in life, so we knew who we were marrying. That is a big key if you are in the process
of getting married, desire to get married or have a friend that is getting
married. Be sure to discuss your belief
system on: faith, parenting, finances, career, dreams, goals, purposes. You should discuss before you are married,
how many kids you both desire, if you want to have kids right away or
wait. Will you both always work, or will
your wife stay home once you start a family.
Nothing has to be set in stone, but it should be discussed so you know
how the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with thinks about
these important issues.
It’s not say you have to agree about everything and think
exactly the same about every topic, but you should be aware of how your soon to
be spouse does think to some degree. You
should ask yourself can you live with someone the rest of your life who wants
to never have children, or with someone who wants ten children. Or what about career, can you marry, love,
support someone who has a career that requires a lot of travel or is in the
military and requires a lot of moving around and what about religion, and how
you plan on raising your children. What
about finances, do you know how the person you plan on marrying handles
finances, do they have a lot of debt, are they a saver, planner. These are huge issues that will be part of your
life as you join together in marriage.
It’s not that you have everything figured out before you get
married, because no matter how much you plan, prepare and think you know your
spouse once you are married, you change, they change, life happens and you need
to adjust. When you have an open line of
communication and know the core values of the person you are marrying the
adjustments you have to make throughout life are easier to make with someone
who is truly committed to your relationship.
When you know you are in this together forever, you can face and
overcome anything together.
You might say to yourself well we can play 21 questions with
each other and do this on our own, it’s different and more beneficial to have
someone who is married and been down this road advise you in this. I remember being young and in love you don’t
always think straight, you get caught up in the emotion of being in love and
head over heels that you don’t always say your true feelings or opinions,
sometimes you don’t even know what you really think on certain subjects,
because you’ve never been married before, or you haven’t lived on your own and
operated a budget, if you are like me I lived at home with my parents until I
was married. Yes I had jobs and my own
income, but I didn’t have the responsibility of a mortgage and all the bills
that come with living on your own, let alone living with another person and
having two lives, two different people come together as one.
It’s nice to know before you marry someone what their family
is like, because when you marry someone you also marry their family. You inherit their parents and siblings and
everyone else in their life. Have you
watched Everybody Loves Raymond?
Wouldn’t you want to know beforehand if you are going to have Mrs.
Barone for a mother-in-law?
If you attend a local church, inquire if they offer
pre-marital counseling most do, and if they don’t they can help you find where
to obtain those services. If you don’t
attend a church, you can Google pre-marital counseling and find services near
you.
Through pre-marital counseling you will learn how to
effectively communicate, how to resolve conflicts, discuss major topics and
also learn how your spouse receives love, have you heard of the Five Love
Languages, I’ll blog about that another time.
I once heard someone say marriage can be the closest thing to
heaven on earth and also the closest thing to hell on earth. Marriage takes investment, it would be wise to
invest before you are married, build a strong foundation. If you are already married don’t count
yourself out or think it’s too late.
Counseling is not only for those with major issues, the way I see it if
you’ll avail yourself to counseling and wisdom from others in the small things,
then if you do face major things you will have a support system already built
into your relationship.
Planning on getting married or already married decide to work
on becoming a better you throughout all the different seasons in life.
Thank you for reading if you’ve enjoyed the content you’ve
read above please share with your friends.
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