In the beginning weeks, and months of marriage you are discovering each other in a whole new way.  When you live together, you see much more of each other and see all the habits and preferences that you may not have been aware of before living together.

You get to experience setting up a home, and realize you would place things in a different spot than your spouse.  You cook different, clean different, and are used to different brands of products, one not better or worse than the other just different. All that being said even after being married for a year we couldn’t be in the kitchen to cook eggs together. It frustrated both my husband and I because I thought he was being quite difficult and too particular in something as simple as eggs and he thought his way was the only way to cook an egg. We have since moved on from our egg debate, but not our egg salad differences, I’m all about spicing things up and adding flavor and he would prefer the regular and plain options.

Gratefully we haven’t had big blow out fights, in the eleven years we’ve been married, and it’s been less than a handful of times that my husband and I have had a fight.  Sure there are frustrations or things that I didn’t appreciate, but I’m talking about fights, you know the kind where you just don’t want to be in each other’s presence at that moment, I can only think of less than five times.  Which I believe this is true in our relationship because of this one question, 100 years from now will this matter?

One time in particular, it was in our second year of marriage, I couldn’t even tell you today what it was about, I just know I was upset about something, I was crying, and did not want to talk to him about whatever was going on.  I remember we were in the car together we pulled into our house garage and my husband told me I could not go into the house until we resolved this.  I remember saying to him I don’t want to talk about it.  I remember storming out of the car ready to go inside and lock myself in the room.  My husband stood in front of the door and held me and said "in 100 years from now is this even going to matter?"  At that moment it mattered, it was obviously a big deal, big enough to make me cry, but not big enough to even remember today what it was about.  Which makes my point exactly; in 100 years from now will this matter?

Early in our marriage my husband had made that statement to me and it stuck with me.  Life goes by so fast and we should enjoy every day that we have with our loved ones.  Tomorrow is not promised and if you can make the decision that every day you will treat your spouse as if it were the last day you were with them, your marriage would be different. 

I am in no way saying we are perfect at this; I have selfish moments just like everyone else.  But every time we begin to tiff about something, my husband’s voice pops in my head with that question “Jessica, 100 years from now is this going to matter?”  Immediately I go back to that very first time he said that to me, in our garage, I remember that he is my best friend, he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, he has been there in joy and pain and nothing, absolutely nothing is worth holding a grudge and fighting over.

There have been times when I argue in my head, well it matters right now.  Why should I just let it go, why do I always seem to be the one that yields.  Just like our first fight that I blogged about here:  http://goo.gl/gRTKQB.  I have learned there is a difference between forgiving each other and brushing things under the rug, unresolved issues have a way of festering and becoming something larger.  It’s better to discuss whatever differences you have, maybe not always in the heat of the moment.  Many times what you are fighting about isn’t even the thing you are most angry at, rather the way something was said, or where it was said or done, in front of people or the timing of the situation.  Many times we fight because of inner turmoil’s, pressures, stresses that are going on inside of us and it really has nothing to do with what are spouse did or said, it’s everything else we feel we are up against and then this small insignificant thing takes place and we take it out on our spouse.

In the middle of your disagreement or frustration if you can step back and ask yourself, in 100 years will this matter?  I believe it will change the way you approach disagreements in your marriage.  Think on all the things you are grateful for in your spouse, think about who they are in your life and all the times they have been your hero. 

I once met a couple who had been married over 70 years and had never had a fight; they said when they married they “decided” they would not fight.  It is possible to have a peaceful marriage and walk in unity all of your days.  It really does come down to you deciding to choose love; to choose unity at all costs.  Choose to prefer each other over anyone and anything. 

It’s not about never getting your way or your preferences, as you both make this decision you will grow and learn to value each other’s voices and choices.  There have been times when my husband chose to surrender his preference and yield to mine.  Living this way not only benefits your marriage but your children and everyone you come in contact with.  When you are angry it usually carries over to how you interact with others everywhere you go.    

Practice this week, loving your spouse unconditionally, walking in unity, discussing any differences in a cool, calm and loving fashion.  Choose love and choose to think on all the positive attributes of your spouse.  When you have that moment ask yourself in 100 years from now will this matter?

Thank you for reading if you’ve enjoyed the content you’ve read above please share with your friends.

www.BlogAboutItAll.com