I have heard wives say he doesn’t put any effort in why should I.  I have heard husbands say if she wants to go on a date she should plan one and tell me where to be.

I want to encourage you to see the value of just spending time together.  Throw out all expectations!  I heard a statement that is very true “Expectations ruin relationships.”  When we expect what the other person in any relationship should or should not do and then it doesn’t happen that way we are disappointed, discouraged and have thoughts of giving up. 

Sometimes as wives we expect our husband to plan every date night, he should sweep us off our feet like in the movies; when that doesn’t happen we feel like date night is not as exciting as we would like it to be or think “what’s the point”.

Sometimes as husbands you expect your wife to plan the babysitter, pick the place to eat and feed the kids before date night and the night out becomes more work than your wife wants to participate in.  These types of expectations cause some couples to not date at all.

Throughout the years I have had some of those thoughts myself I wish he would, why doesn’t he do this or that.  Throw out the idea that either the husband should do it or the wife should make it happen.  It doesn’t matter who plans date night recognize the value of keeping your love alive.  Remember the scene in the movie “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” Oh, no. Our love fern. It's dead.  You let it die. Are you going to let us die?  The point I’m trying to make is someone has to plan date night to make it happen.  If that means you as the wife has to plan it every time, take joy in at least it happens and at least you get some quality time together don’t focus on the fact that you have to do all the work. 

Without complaining you can positively make your husband aware of the fact that you would love for him to plan a date night and surprise you.  If he takes you up on your offer, great, but if he doesn’t don’t be discouraged and stop dating. Maybe you the husband plan all the date nights and you wish your wife would add more input.  Without complaining and pointing the finger, just let your spouse know that you would really enjoy and be grateful if the next date night they would take the lead.  But guess what maybe it’s just not what they do, so should you give up and stop dating…NO!  Maybe your husband has a lot of things going on at work and he has all the pressure of providing for the family that he just isn’t thinking about planning date night.  Or maybe your wife is overwhelmed with the children who demand a lot of time and energy that she doesn’t want one more thing that she has to do. 

At one time in our date night adventures, due to my husband’s later work schedule I had to pick the kids up from school, feed the kids dinner at home, clean up dinner before I left the house, drop the kids to the sitters house, then meet my husband somewhere.  After a nice dinner I had to drive by myself to go pick up the kids from the sitter and drive home with tired whinny kids in the car and I remember thinking this is not fun for me.  I had that moment where I thought I don’t want to do this next week; I’d just rather stay home and have a pizza and game night with the entire family, that would be much easier for me.  I chose to remember how important our alone time is.  I chose to focus on how much I enjoyed the time spent with my husband and that even though he just got to show up to dinner it was worth it, we were worth it. 

A Surprise Night out, Planned by my Husband!
A few weeks back my husband planned a surprise night out on a Wednesday evening when our date night is typically Friday.  He lined up the sitter, he told me we were going to dinner at a family member’s home, he had me pick him up from work and when I arrived he said he’d drive, well, he drove not to where I believed we were going, instead to one of my favorite restaurants The Cheesecake Factory.  What a nice surprise!

Remember every single date night can’t be like the fairy tale love stories we watch on the big screen.  Realize that even if you just went on a walk around the block together, holding hands and not even saying a word, the time you spent together is priceless.  Why do we put these expectations on ourselves and our spouses of what date night has to be.  Remember the first days you were in love, where you didn’t care what you did you just wanted to be together.  Remember the times when you really talked about nothing but just listened to each other breathe. 

I remember a time when my husband (he wasn’t my husband yet) came to run audio for an exercise class that I attended just so he could be with me.  I remember a time when I listened to a music cd that he had made me that wasn’t exactly my style or what I liked to listen to but because he made it I listened to it frequently.

In writing this I am reminded that it doesn’t matter what we do, or where we go, or who plans all the details just as long as we are together.  Be happy together, not disappointed because it’s not what we expected or thought it should be, but just happy to be together. 

If you haven’t taken the plunge and started your date night I hope that after reading this you will make it happen, no matter what exactly that is, as long as it’s the two of you together even if it’s with no agenda and nothing to talk about.

If you are like us we enjoy getting the kids bathed and in bed at night so we can have a couple hours together just hanging out or watching a show that doesn’t include animation or talking animals, but that is not the same as our date nights together so don’t make the excuse that well we spend every night together eating dinner or watching our favorite show.  Date night is important and once you begin having them they will become a necessity and you’ll wonder why you didn’t start sooner.

Just get started!  Your date nights can evolve and improve over time.   Throw out those preconceived expectations of what date night has to be and just plan to be together.

Remember date night’s help you communicate with each other and keep your intimacy alive, date nights help you stay current with each other and fan your flame, so does it really matter who plans date night, no just as long as it happens.

Thanks for reading!

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