As parents we desire for our children to be honest, not cheat, lie, or steal.  I recently had a conversation with my seven year old about lying.  He likes to say things to his brothers and then say “I was only joking”.  Also this past week, someone threw a pillow at the three year old, who was knocked over and crying and when I asked who threw the pillow, the two older children did not want to own up to it.  It took some coercion to get to the truth.

I had a big conversation about telling lies and how it can lead to big trouble.  I explained the problem with telling little lies is it leads to bigger lies.  We discussed once you tell a lie you then have to remember the lie you told to keep it going and life becomes more difficult than it needs to be.

I also went on to say that people can go to jail for lying in court and lying to certain people.  I believe I conveyed the extreme consequences that come from telling lies, by the look on their little faces.  I hope if I train them when they are young to always tell the truth even if it comes with consequences they will live a life of honesty.

I went on to explain that as their mom I love them and don’t want them to be in trouble, but more important is for them to always tell the truth.  I also explained that I would rather them admit they made a mistake or made a wrong choice than to lie to me about it.  I explained the importance of asking for forgiveness when you do something wrong.  I shared with them about a time when I was younger and I lied and got in big trouble with my parents and the times I admitted my wrong choice and the forgiveness I received.

When I was growing up, I remember my parents telling me that if I did something wrong and came to them with the truth, yes I probably would have a form of punishment and a lecture, but if I was caught by them in the middle of my lie or sneaking around, or worse someone coming and bringing it to their attention, the punishment would be greater.

I appreciated this relationship I had with my parents.  I knew that I could always talk to my parents about anything even wrong choices I made and they would listen and help me realize the consequences of my actions with love and forgiveness.

Someone once told me they pray that their children are caught when doing things wrong.  When you think you get away with the wrong choices you make you are more likely to continue making wrong choices because you think you got away with it.  When you are caught lying, stealing or whatever it may be on a continual basis you are more likely to stop.  So I have adopted this prayer as a parent as well.  For their benefit I pray my children are caught when they do something wrong.

Having a discussion with your children about honesty is very important.  Children need to know that you love them no matter what they do and that you will love and forgive them for mistakes they make, with the emphasis on honesty.  They can admit when they make a mistake and ask forgiveness.  They need to know they can talk to you about anything.  Children need to know that you also made mistakes when you were younger and had consequences for those mistakes. 

I don’t have this parenting thing down perfect but I know that God has entrusted these little ones to me to mold, shape and train them in the way they should go.  I have good days and bad days as a mom, I have days when I speak with great patience and have great teaching conversations and I have days where I lose my temper and am not the greatest example I could be. 

To set a good example we also should admit to our children when we blow it and ask them to forgive us, so they can see us putting into practice what we ask them to do.  I have gone back to my children and apologized for the way I’ve reacted to a situation.   I have apologized to my children for getting angry and explained to them that I am not angry at them but at the situation. 

Along with praying for my children to be caught, I also pray that God bridge the gap between the love that I give them and the love they need.  We don’t always get it right as parents but we can trust God to make up the difference.  It is a great privilege and responsibility to have these little minds, hearts and spirits and I am so grateful to have the help of God, family and friends in teaching and training our children.  We don’t have to parent alone.  We can pray for God to have the right influences and relationships in their lives.  That God would bring people with strengths that we might not have to be role models in their lives.

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